With so many questions swirling around this year’s election, one stands out: Which candidate will Arizona Highways endorse for president of the United States?
That is, the question would stand out, if anyone were asking it.
Though Arizona Highways hesitates to wade into the murky waters of politics, this election offers a candidate with the tenacity and spirit to move America forward. With that in mind, the Arizona Highways Editorial Board endorses Outlaw Pete for president.
Outlaw Pete comes from humble beginnings, having grown up on the streets of central Phoenix. As such, he takes nothing for granted, as evidenced by his willingness to immediately ingest any edible item within reach. He is a champion of Millennials, especially Arizona Highways interns, who are seldom without his affection. He has never sent an email, and his frequent naps give him a temperament ideal for the leader of the free world.
If you need more reasons to vote for Outlaw Pete, consider that he is completely uninterested in each of the following: Wall Street, immigration, income inequality, trade deals, climate change, the Supreme Court, education costs, and alternative energy sources. (This list is non-exhaustive.) As such, he is the only candidate who can be an impartial arbiter of these important issues. Outlaw Pete has a personal interest in only the following issues: when his next meal is, who is walking by outside, and what he might encounter on his daily walks.
“But wait,” you may be asking yourself. “Is he old enough to be president? Also, can a dog be president?” These are technical questions that can be addressed after the election. Until then, we urge you to elect Outlaw Pete the 45th president of the United States.
To learn more about Outlaw Pete (or, more to the point, to see more photos of Outlaw Pete), follow him on Instagram.