HUMOR

{highway to humor}

READY, FIRE, AIM

The chief of a volunteer fire department was being interviewed. The reporter inquired, “What do your men do when they arrive at an alarm site?” “First thing we do,” said the chief, “is knock in the windows and flood the house with water.” “What’s the second thing you do?” the reporter asked.

“Check to make sure that we’re at the right address.”

Kearly day arizona)

Yabsey: “Does your wife ever choose your clothes for you?”

Wickwire: “No. She merely picks the pockets.”

MOUSSE MESS

My son, Peter, is a great outdoor enthusiast and has always been curious about all animals. When he was 5 years old, we went out to eat one evening at an upscale restaurant. He was restless after sitting through the meal, so I ordered a chocolate mousse for him. I

HAPPY GOVERNORSHIP

In a recent visit to Safford, Gov. Janet Napolitano was asked what makes her happiest about being governor. She responded that the best perk of her job is that she doesn't have to drive.

She mentioned that a former governor of Kansas was once asked, “How do you know when you’re no longer a governor?” His response: “When you get into the back seat of a car and it doesn’t go.”

A MINER'S FORTUNE

An insurance agent was trying to sell a life insurance policy to a miner.

“Have you ever met with an accident?” asked the agent.

noticed that he was mostly playing with it, using his spoon to create mounds of dessert on the table. When I reprimanded him he looked up, grinned and said, “Look, moose droppings.”

UNUSUAL PERSPECTIVE

The chance of falling out of bed and dying is the same as being struck by lightning. Each carries a 1 in 2 million chance. The chance of being killed by a snake is 1 in 3 million. Still don't feel safe? Your chance of falling out of bed because you were hit by lightning and landing on a snake is almost nil. —Linda Perret accident?” asked the agent.

“No,” replied the miner. “But a mule kicked me in the ribs once, and a rattlesnake bit me on the leg.” “Good grief!” exclaimed the agent. “Don't you consider those accidents?”

“Naw,” said the miner. “They did it on purpose.”

BEWARE OL' SLEEPYHEAD

Upon approaching a small country store, a traveler noticed a sign that read “DANGER! Beware of dog!” posted on the glass door. Inside, a harmless old hound dog was asleep on the floor beside the cash register.

The traveler asked the storeowner, “Is that the dog folks are supposed to beware of?” “Yep, that's him,” the owner replied.

The amused traveler inquired, “That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?” The owner responded, “Because before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him.” son-in-law that the ravens we were watching were a lot like the crows that we had “back home,” except they had scratchy voices. He reminded me that it is dry in Arizona.

GOOD SPARITAN

Several years back, while on a trip from California to New Mexico, we ate breakfast in Holbrook. About a half-mile out of town, we had a flat tire. After unloading several pieces of luggage, we found that we had no jack, so I decided to walk back to town to get one. My wife, who didn't want to stay alone, came along.

Imagine our surprise when we returned to find our spare already installed on the car and a note under the windshield wiper stating, “We had a flat right behind your car and saw that you was having trouble, so we changed your tire, too. California 145 SYT.”

THE JOY OF READING

My favorite pastime is reading, so I always carry a book with me everywhere I go. One day I was with two friends, and things got slow. I opened my current book and tuned things out.When I heard my name mentioned, I began to pay attention.

One friend remarked, “Ruth certainly likes to read, doesn't she?” Then the other sagely answered, “Yes, she certainly does. In fact she's always turning over a new leaf.”

JUST FOLLOW THE DIRT

A Grand Canyon National Park ranger was asked by a visitor, “Where is the best place to see the floor of the Canyon?” The ranger answered, “Imperial Valley, California. That's where all the dirt went.”

IT'S A DRY SCREECH

We had just moved to Arizona when I remarked to my

IT'S SNOW JOKE Celebrate With Us and Win Great Prizes!

Thanks to the support of hundreds of thousands of subscribers who read our magazine each month, Arizona Highways will celebrate its 80th anniversary in April. To show our appreciation, we've devised a contest-that will appear in the April anniversary issue-to hand out some great prizes and to have a little fun. To win, answer 20 questions correctly and your name will go into a drawing for the prizes. There's nothing to buy.

Here's a sample question: What explorer accepted a commission in 1857 to survey a wagon road across northern Arizona using camels as pack animals?

CONTEST RULES: In the April issue of Arizona Highways, we'll pose 20 multiplechoice questions about Arizona. If you answer all questions correctly and give us your name, address and daytime phone number, we'll enter you in a drawing for the prizes listed above. The drawing will be held in May. There is no obligation and nothing to buy. Certain date restrictions apply on the prizes. Winners must call for availability.

Persons 18 years old or older are eligible. We can accept only one entry per person, and entries must be postmarked no later than April 30, 2005. Winners are subject to state and federal tax regulations. Employees and vendors of Arizona Highways and their immediate families are not eligible. Answers will be published in the June issue. Winners' names will be published in the September issue.

Grand Prize:

A seven-day raft trip for two on the Colorado River through the Grand Canyon with ARAMARK'S Wilderness River Adventures. This trip must be taken by mid-September 2006. Included is round-trip transportation for two to Phoenix from any city America West Airlines serves.

Two First Prizes:

Six-night accommodations for two, including all meals, at the Rancho de los Caballeros guest ranch in Wickenburg. Or a seven-night stay for two, including meals and horseback riding, at Kay El Bar Guest Ranch in Wickenburg. Visits must be completed by May 1, 2006. Included with both prizes is round-trip transportation for two to Phoenix from any city America West Airlines serves.

Ten Other Prizes:

Coffee-table, children's, travel and other books published by Arizona Highways.