Arizona Humor

Your gasoline was getting low as we drove through the Salt River Canyon toward Phoenix. I asked my wife what was the next town on the map. "Nelsonville," she replied.

We drove on and on, but there was no sign of a town. At last, we came upon a building with a gas pump in front, and I pulled in.

"Is this Nelsonville?" I asked the attendant.

"No, Bensonville," he replied. "But where is Nelsonville? It shows on the map. We should have passed it."

"Oh, him," the attendant said. "He quit."

Milton V. Burdge Howell, N.J.

NAME THAT TOWN

For a moment, then said: "Well, back home, we try not to let erosion get this bad."

Norma Emmelhainz Scottsdale

ANCIENT INDIAN RUINS

In 1957 my two young sons and I traveled by bus from Salt Lake City, Utah, to Phoenix. Sitting in front of us were two elderly women who talked incessantly. During the trip, the driver told us interesting stories about what we were seeing.

Somewhere in the vicinity of Oak Creek Canyon, the driver said there were ancient Indian dwellings in the area, and he urged us to go see them if we got back that way. He noted they were several miles to the east.

One old gal turned to the other and remarked, "You'd think they'd have had sense enough to build closer to the road."

Connie J. Anderson Cumberland, WI

AGELESS STORY

My wife and I were leaving a museum in Phoenix when I held the door open for a little white-haired woman. She thanked me and then said, "I'm the same age as your state."

"That'd make you over 100 years old," I replied. "I'm from Oregon."

Herman McElhandey Winston, OR

REAL-ESTATE PROFITS

At an Elderhostel in Sierra Avista, I was telling a small group of people how a property I once owned in Scottsdale had appreciated in value from $15,000 to $115,000 in a 20-year period.

Immediately a man's voice popped up, "I can do that for you here."

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Guarantee it," he replied glibly. "If it doesn't, I'll pay the difference."

"Would you put that in writing?" I wanted to know.

"Glad to," he responded.

Being all of 75 years old, I believed I had him. "Fine. In case you have to pay off, how will you give me the money?"

As swiftly as a rattlesnake strikes, he replied: "If you're up there (pointing up to heaven), my wife will give it to you. And if you're down there, I'll give it to you."

Thomas M. Smith Pocatello, ID

MINT CONDITION

An Arizona businessman was entertaining the wife of a wealthy rancher at a fine French restaurant near Scottsdale's high-end Fifth Avenue district.

Throughout the five-course dinner, the woman displayed impeccable manners. However, on the way out she couldn't resist grabbing a handful of mint candies from the crystal bowl at the cashier's desk.

The maître d', as was his custom, waited near the door to bid the diners good night. As the woman approached, He extended his upturned fingers, expecting her to place her bejeweled hand there for a farewell kiss.

Instead, the embarrassed woman dumped the fistful of candies in his palm. "I'm so sorry," she mumbled. "I'll never do it again."

Gail Dudley Phoenix

NAVAJO COUNTRY

Several years ago, I was teaching at Navajo Community College. At that time, the school was using some of the buildings at Many Farms High School. The only other buildings in the area were a Bureau of Indian Affairs housing project and a trading post.

One day, while talking to an elderly Navajo man outside the trading post, a couple of Navajo teenage boys riding their ponies hard came into view. They were racing each other on one of the roads in the housing complex.

The old man frowned as he watched the riders gallop neck and neck.

"Crazy hot-rodders!" he said, and went inside.

Jerry Eaton Phoenix

TO SUBMIT HUMOR

Send us a short note about your humorous experiences in Arizona, and we'll pay $75 for each one we publish.

We're looking for short stories, no more than 200 words, that deal with Arizona topics, and have a humorous punch line.

Send them to Humor, Arizona Highways, 2039 W. Lewis Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85009. Please enclose your name, address, and telephone number with each submission.

We'll notify those whose stories we intend to publish, but we cannot return unused submissions.

ALLURE OF THE CANYON

An artist friend from Ohio, visiting the Grand Canyon for the first time, was enraptured by its beauty. He was gushing about the grandeur to an elderly gentleman standing next to him.

When he was finished, he asked the old man's opinion of the Canyon. The man paused