ARIZONA HUMOR

humor: Well-coiffured Cactus

My husband and I moved to Arizona from the East Coast while the desert was in full bloom. Knowing nothing about the care of desert plants, we visited the Desert Botanical Garden, where my husband bought an "old man" (a cactus with long white "hair") and a book on the care of desert plants. The book advised us to periodically shampoo and trim the long hair on our cactus, so I joked that I'd make an appointment at the hairdresser for it. The more we joked, the more the idea tickled us, so I did just that. The hairdresser agreed to see us the next morning. My husband thought the local newspaper would enjoy the event, too, and called it. A reporter and photographer showed up, and together we all watched my plant get a shampoo and trim. The hairdresser tied four red ribbons on my old man when he finished, while the rest of the shop's patrons chuckled. The next day, my old man made the front page of the newspaper. Two weeks later, the plant died.

Francesca Hartman, Bisbee

Quick Reply

Whenever we make the long trip from east Mesa to central Phoenix to visit our grandchildren, we always take along a thermos of cold water. At the end of each visit, the youngsters look forward to a drink of "Mesa water" before we leave. On our last visit, our granddaughter walked with me to the car and made the usual request. "Okay, but be careful," I joked, "this water might have tadpoles in it." "That's okay, Grandpa," she said. "I'll just have a frog in my throat."

HEAT STROKES BY GARY BENNETT Bronc-bustin' and weddings accomplish the same thing

William P. Smith, Mesa

A Different Freedom

We invited a local folksinger to help us celebrate Martin Luther King's birthday at our preschool. After leading the children in a rousing rendition of "Oh, Freedom," the old spiritual, he grew philosophical. "I wonder," he asked, "does anybody really know what it is to be free?" "I'm free," one boy blurted out. The other kids joined in. "I'm free-and-a-half." "I'm four!"

Andy Robinson, Tucson

Same In Any Language

My wife and I love to visit Arizona each year, and she is quite taken with the beautiful houses and architecture. On a recent visit to a marvelous Scottsdale model house, my wife was particularly entertained by the realtors, who engaged her in the typical "you-talk-kinda-funny" conversation. We say "to-MAH-to," Arizonans say "to-MAY-to," and we say "bonnet" for the hood ofa car and boot for the trunk. All of which can be somewhat confusing. As my wife entered the huge dining room, one realtor pointed to a massive chandelier and asked, "What would you call that in England?" "Ostentatious!" my wife replied.

Gary and Bev Clark, West Midlands, Great Britain, U.K.

No Pro Golfer

While visiting our daughter and her family in Chandler, my wife and I decided to play a round of golf. After landing in one of the course's many deep and difficult sand traps, I flailed away without much success, trying to get out of the trap. "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100," I muttered after finally extricating my ball from the sand trap. "Try heaven," my spouse advised sarcastically. "You've already moved enough earth."

Dan Rieder, Bozeman, MT TO SUBMIT HUMOR Send us an original short story, no more than 200 words, about your humorous experiences, and we'll pay $75 for each one we publish. Send them to Humor, Arizona Highways, 2039 W. Lewis Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85009. Please enclose your name, address, and telephone number with each submission. We'll notify those whose stories we intend to publish, but we cannot acknowledge or return unused submissions.

The cowboy saying at the top of the page is from the Arizona Highways humor book Cow Pie Ain't No Dish You Take to the County Fair. To order call toll-free (800) 543-5432. The book costs $6.95 plus shipping and handling.

LEARN LANDSCAPE PHOTOGRAPHY FROM THE WORLD'S BEST

Travel with Arizona Highways conPhone now for a 1999 Photo Workshop tributing photographers to a slot schedule and brochure. For immediate canyon (above) or the Grand Canyon response call toll-free 1-888-790-7042. In or Sedona or a number of other famous Phoenix or outside the U.S., call (602) locations, and let them teach you their 271-5904, or write to: techniques during fourand five-day inthe-field photography workshops. Reserve your spot now. Enrollments are limited so that each participant gets individual instruction.