ARIZONA HUMOR

humor: Horsepower

A farmer in northern Arizona plowed his fields using only one horse. Yet as he plowed, he yelled to the horse, “Giddyup, Jack!” “Giddyup, Mick!” “Giddyup, Casey!” A stranger passing by stopped the farmer. “I couldn't help overhearing you shout to your horse,” he said, “and I'm curious. How many names does your horse have?” The farmer laughed good-naturedly and replied, “Oh, his name's Jack.” Then the farmer's voice dropped to a conspiratorial whisper. “But he doesn't know his own strength. So I put blinders on him and yell all those other names. This way he thinks he has other horses helping him.” L. Michael Lynch, Saranac Lake, NY

Special Gift

While enjoying an early-morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe, I overheard four elderly ranchers discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather to how things used to be in the “good ol' days.” Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses, and one gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked, “Roy, aren't you and your bride celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary soon?” “Yup, we sure are,” Roy replied. “Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?” another man asked. The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, “For our 25th anniversary, I took Bea to Tucson. Maybe for our 50th, I'll go down there and get her.” Jim Faivre, Paulden

Old cowboys never die; they just move out of range On Target

When I lived near Vicksburg, I often tried to improve my shooting technique through target practice on cans, but I rarely hit any. One day a friend watched my poor performance and remarked, “You know, I've heard of people shootin' the breeze before, but this is the first time I've ever really seen it done.” Ruth Burke, Bowie

Fun with Tourists

In the late '60s, a friend of mine led people on mules into the Grand Canyon. Once, a customer asked him what purpose the strings hanging down the backs of the saddles served (they are generally used to tie a bedroll to the saddle). “Well, sir,” my mischievous friend replied, “if the mule slips, and the two of you fall over the side of the cliff, just pull those strings. A parachute will pop out, and you and the mule will float safely down to the bottom of the canyon.” That poor customer tightly clutched his strings all the way down the trail. Glenn E. Gerlich, Tucson

Touché

My husband and I have similar tastes in decorating and generally agree on purchases for our house. However, we ran into a problem while vacationing in Arizona. After deciding to purchase some Native American pottery for our living room, we went shopping. I found a small bowl I really liked, but when I showed it to my husband, he didn't share my enthusiasm. “That bowl is UGLY!” he exclaimed. Miffed, I retorted, “Well, you simply do not have good taste. In fact, you have no taste at all.” “That's not true, and I can prove it,” he replied shrewdly. “Just look at who YOU married, compared with who I married.” How could I argue? We bought a different bowl, and I didn't mind a bit. Diane L. Smith, Narvon, PA TO SUBMIT HUMOR Send us an original short story, no more than 200 words, about your humorous experiences, and we'll pay $75 for each one we publish. Send them to Humor, Arizona Highways, 2039 W. Lewis Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85009. Please enclose your name, address, and telephone number with each submission. We'll notify those whose stories we intend to publish, but we cannot acknowledge or return unused submissions.

The cowboy saying at the top of the page is from the Arizona Highways humor book Cow Pie Ain't No Dish You Take to the County Fair. To order call toll-free (800) 543-5432. The book costs $6.95 plus shipping and handling.

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