Humor

humors

"As I grow older it becomes easier and easier for me to voice my own opinion and harder and harder to hear yours."

From the Arizona Highways humor book Growing Older is So Much Fun EVERYBODY'S Doing It, by Gene Perret, who writes our "Wit Stop" column. To order, call toll-free (800) 543-5432. The cost is $6.95 plus shipping and handling.

LIKE DAD

My son took his 4-year-old boy to the barbershop for a haircut, but when they came out the child was crying. "What's wrong, son?" his father asked. "Don't you like your haircut?" "No," the boy replied. "I wanted one with a hole in the top like yours."

DANCE LESSONS

Three Indian medicine men sat together discussing their work. The first said his people still did the Rain Dance. "Most of the time it rains, but sometimes it doesn't," he said.

The second said his people dance the Corn Dance. "Most of the time, the corn grows big and plentiful, but sometimes it doesn't," he said.

The third said with a big smile, "My people dance the Sunrise Dance, and the sun rises every time."

WHERE'S THE CHAIR?

My wheelchair-bound mother recently came to live with us. To transport the wheelchair, my husband made and attached a rack to the back of the car. Then we decided to take Mom out to lunch to see how well it worked. As we left the restaurant and spotted the car, my mom suddenly shrieked, "Someone stole my wheelchair!" My husband calmly replied, "Mom, you're sitting in it."

CHILD'S PLAY

Afew years ago, a friend with two small boys bought a child's battery-operated car. The older boy drove it around without letup, causing the younger boy to complain to his mom that his brother wouldn't play with him.

Mom told her older son he had better play with his brother, or else. But a short time later, the younger boy returned to his mom with the same complaint. Exasperated, the mother again ordered her son to play with his brother.

"I am," he replied, "I told him to stand over there and be the stop sign."

FINDING A SPOT

When little Rosa's bearded grandfather came to Arizona to visit her, he asked her if she would give him a kiss. She hesitated, and then replied, "I want to, but I don't see any place to do it."

EARLY RISERS

One early Sunday morning on the way to church, my 4-year-old grandson and I drove past the Turf Paradise racetrack in Phoenix. Several racehorses, wearing colorful blankets, were walking along with their grooms. My grandson exclaimed excitedly: "Look Grandpa, those horses are still in their pajamas."

DESERT MOON

In the late 1960s, I was a talk-show host on Atlanta's first all-talk radio station. The morning after the first lunar landing, our main topic of discussion was the famous moonshot and NASA programs in general. Most callers expressed exuberance, but one very angry caller tried hard to dampen our spirits. He was fed up with NASA wasting taxpayers' money to perpetrate such a terrible hoax on the American people.

"What hoax?" I asked him. "You and I both know that there ain't nobody up on that moon. Never has been, never will be," he said.

"Well, sir, just where do you think the astronauts are?" I asked.

"Come on now," he retorted. "Anybody with any sense at all knows they're out there someplace in Arizona."

TO SUBMIT HUMOR

Send us an original short story, no more than 200 words, about your humorous experiences, and we'll pay $75 for each one we publish. Send them to Humor, Arizona Highways, 2039 W. Lewis Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85009. Please enclose your name, address and telephone number with each submission. We'll notify those whose stories we intend to publish, but we cannot acknowledge or return unused submissions.

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