HIGHWAY TO HUMOR

{highway to humor} FAKING IT

While escorting a small group of amateur bird-watchers near a little lake, I enjoyed their enthusiasm as they spotted different birds. "Look, a yellow warbler!" one would yell. "Over there! A white-breasted nuthatch," another would exclaim. As we continued, I noticed that a fisherman had caught his fishing line in the tree branches near the shore and his fishing bobber was hung up there. Just for fun I shouted, "And there's a red and white bobber!" The watchers turned to look and someone said, "Where? I haven't seen that kind of bird in years."

{early day arizona}

Mrs. O'Flanigan: "If we call one of the twins Kate, what'll we call the other one?" Mr. O'Flanigan: "Dupli-cate."

HEALTHY ENVIRONMENT

At the urging of his doctor, John moved to Arizona. After settling in, he met a neighbor, also an older man, and asked, "Is this really a healthy place?" "It sure is," the man replied. "When I first arrived here I couldn't say one word. I had hardly any hair on my head. I didn't have the strength to walk across a room, and I had to be lifted out of bed." "That's wonderful," said John. "How long have you been here?" "I was born here."

OOPS

On assignment for a national magazine, a photographer was sent to get photos of a huge forest fire in northern Arizona. The smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots from the ground, so he frantically called his magazine to see if he could hire a plane. "Don't worry about a thing," said the editor. "It will be waiting for you at the airport."

Sure enough, as soon as he got to the tiny, rural airport, a small Cessna was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his gear and yelled, "Let's get this thing off the ground NOW." The pilot turned into the wind and they were soon aloft. "Fly over the north side of the fire," said the photographer, "and make a few low-level passes." "Why?" asked the pilot. "Because I'm here to document this fire. I'm a photographer and photographers take pictures," said the photographer with great exasperation and impatience. After a long pause the pilot said, "You mean you're not the instructor?"

UNUSUAL PERSPECTIVE WRONG NUMBER

Attempting to order a pizza from a place called The Streets of New York, I apparently dialed the wrong number when a man simply answered, "Hello?" Just to be certain, I asked if I had reached The Streets of New York. The man laughed and said, "Wow, you are way off. These are the streets of Arizona."

CALLING ALL FASHION POLICE

In awe over the Grand Canyon's beauty, my uncle and cousin decided to take a short walk down the Bright Angel Trail for "just a few minutes." Enraptured by the Canyon, "a few minutes" turned into a few hours. As they staggered back to the trailhead, they received a good reprimand by my worried aunt. They later revealed that hers was not the only reprimand they'd received. On the way back up the trail, the hot and tired duo met a ranger, who was shocked to find them without food, water and wearing flimsy sandals. A year later, my aunt and uncle returned to the Canyon for a visit, minus the hike. As they entered a gift shop, my aunt noticed a video playing, explaining what NOT to do at the Grand Canyon. Lo and behold, on the screen were my uncle and cousin, completely unprepared, limping along the hot trail. My aunt, anxious to get my uncle's attention, called in a loud voice across the room, thus attracting curious shoppers to look at the television screen. As my uncle sheepishly made his way over, a voice in the crowd noticed him and called out, "And he's wearing the same shirt!"

FARRIER SOUGHT

One Saturday night, my husband and I went to a dance hall in our town to watch the crowd doing the two-step and cowboy shuffle to a live Western band. While standing on the sidelines, a cowboy introduced himself to us and politely asked my husband if he could have the next dance with me. Permission was given, and I was happy to be learning to dance Western style when suddenly a strap broke on one of my sandals. Leading me limping off the floor, he handed me over to my husband saying, "Here she is mister. No good any more. She done threw a shoe on me."

{reader's corner}

Getting to work on time is becoming tougher and tougher with all the road construction. Yesterday I was 45 minutes late and it was my day off. Send us your road construction jokes, and we'll pay $50 for each one we use.

TO SUBMIT HUMOR: Send your jokes and humorous Arizona anecdotes to Humor, Arizona Highways, 2039 W. Lewis Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85009 or e-mail us at [email protected]. Please include your name, address and telephone number with each submission.