HIGHWAY TO HUMOR

highway to humor OWL JOKES

We asked our readers for owl jokes, and here's a sample of what we got: A man pulled his car into an abandoned desert gas station and got out. The only creature there was an owl sitting on a saguaro. “Owl, are you able to tell me the quickest way to town?” “Are you walking or driving?” asked the wise owl. “I’m driving.” “Well, that’s the quickest way.” PAM D'ARCEY, Felton, CA

{ early day arizona }

Little Bessie: “Mama, how’ll I know when I’m naughty?” Mother: “Your conscience will tell you, dear.” Little Bessie: “I don’t care about it telling me, Mama. But will it tell you?” The Great Horned Owl was known as The Horned Owl until he got a better public relations guy.

Owls don't build nests, but temporarily take over abandoned ones. It's not very elegant, but it keeps the kids from moving back in with them. BOTH BY GREGG SIEGEL Gaithersburg, MD They say that owls can turn their heads almost 270 degrees. I had a tough high school teacher who could do that, too. PAMELA HAMILTON, Phoenix

SHOPPING BONANZA

I worked as a security guard in a department store in Phoenix some years back. Shortly before closing time, a woman with several garments approached. “Why aren’t the dressing rooms open?” she asked. I explained that they closed 15 minutes before the store closed. Instead of being irritated, she breathed a sigh of relief. “Thank goodness!” she exclaimed. “You just saved me a hundred dollars.” THOMAS LAMANCE, Prewitt, NM

UNUSUAL PERSPECTIVE

A desert snail can sleep for up to three years... and I thought my dad napped a lot. - Linda Perret

NO SYMPATHY

A lady whose father had died decided to take her 8-year-old daughter to the funeral. The child had never been to a funeral. At the cemetery, when the services were over and people were standing around visiting, the mother said to her daughter, “Go tell Grandma you are sorry Grandpa died.” The bewildered child looked at her mother and replied, “Why should I tell her I am sorry? I didn’t kill him. You are always blaming me for everything.” DR. CHARLES A. SCHWAB Prairie Village, KS

HORSE SENSE

A little boy who had gone to visit his grandfather’s horse ranch happened to be there when the vet came to check on a patient. So, Grandpa introduced the young man to the doctor, and then asked the child if he knew what the vet’s job was. “Sure,” the young man answered proudly, “she’s a doctor who makes horse calls.” RUTH BURKE, Bowie

IMPROMPTU ANSWER

At school conferences, it was quite obvious to me that my little boy’s kindergarten teacher was concerned about his frequent interruptions in class. We tried hard to teach him not to blurt out his comments, but to raise his hand and wait to be called on. Little progress was made. However, one day my son’s teacher took me aside and, with a twinkle in her eye, proceeded to inform me of his latest impromptu remark. A fellow student’s grandfather had come to class that morning to demonstrate a miniature model volcano. As this dignified gentleman prepared to make it scientifically “erupt” with a combination of baking soda and vinegar, the little guy simply could not contain himself. “I know what’s gonna come out of that,” he excitedly yelled. “Red hot lovers!” JOANNE BOZEMAN, Appleton, WI

DIRECTIONAL LANDMARK

I took my friend, visiting from New Jersey, to Prescott. During lunch on Whiskey Row, she mentioned that her niece had attended Prescott College, and that she would like to see it. Our waitress provided detailed driving instructions, with the Circle K serving as a main reference point. My friend, wanting to be sure we wouldn't miss it, asked, “Now is the Circle K a big ranch with a gate, or is it hard to see from the road?” Neither the waitress nor I had the heart to tell her we would be looking for a convenience store. MARY M. IORNS, Mesa

{ reader's corner }

Hummingbirds can be very aggressive. Shoot, if you were around someone who hummed all day, wouldn't you be a little edgy, too? Send us your hummingbird jokes, and we'll pay $50 for each one we publish.

TO SUBMIT HUMOR:

Send your jokes and humorous Arizona anecdotes to Humor, Arizona Highways, 2039 W. Lewis Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85009 or e-mail us at [email protected]. Please include your name, address and telephone number with each submission.