HUMOR

{highway to humor} CAMPING JOKES

Recently, we asked our readers for camping jokes. Here's a sample of what we got: Years ago our family was on the way to a camping trip in the White Mountains. It was a bright, sunny day as we left Tucson, prompting Mom to stop at a service station and ask the attendant if they had any dark glasses. "No ma'am," he replied, "but we do have paper cups."

{ early day arizona }

"John, that man next door came over here today and offered to tune little Lucy's piano."

"Great! Did you let him do it?"

"No, dear. He wanted to tune it with an ax."

When you go camping, you're not "roughing it" just because you leave your lighted makeup mirror at home.

The Health Department is getting into camping. At a fork in a woodland trail, the department posted signs. As we approached the mountains, we hit the fork in the road. One said "Smokey," pointing one way, and the other said "Non-Smokey," pointing the other way.

I went camping, and surrounding the campgrounds was a bike trail and a sign that said, "Watch out for cycle-paths."

The worst camping trip is the one where the fish don't bite and the flies and mosquitoes do.

We were backpacking in the mountains with our three children, who were elementary school-age at the time. We took a day hike to some beautiful lakes, where we stopped to eat lunch. As we ate, about 60 yards away two women with no sense of modesty disrobed in broad daylight and bathed in the lake. In no hurry to cover up again, they then sat on a rock in the sun to dry off, all in full view of our family.

A couple of hours later, we saw the two (now fully clothed) approaching us on a narrow trail. One of my daughters whispered to me, "Dad, what are we going to say to them?" "That's easy," I replied. "I'll just say, 'Hi, we've sure seen a lot of you today.'"

PERSPECTIVE UNUSUAL

While camping one weekend, my friend Jim and I decided to have a "fishing" contest, standing at the edge of the Black River and trapping fish with our hands. My friend would boast with each fish he caught, stringing them onto a makeshift line.

The only luck I had was spotting a black bear splashing toward us in search of lunch. Backing away slowly in hopes that we wouldn't be spotted, my friend whispered, "I ain't worried about it." I couldn't figure out why, as I knew I could outrun Jim. Just then I noticed his fish tied to my belt loop.

IMPERFECT CUSTOMER

I was eavesdropping when one irate waitress was describing a customer, who had just left. "She complained about the food, demanded more servings for the same price, told me I was too slow, and worst of all - tipped me a penny." She hesitated and then went on, "She's what I'd call a real counter-terrorist."

ROAD HOG

Several years back while traveling in the mountains northeast of Phoenix, we often had to reduce speed when following trailers and other slow-moving vehicles. Our frustration turned into laughter when we came upon a small economy car working its way up a steep hill. A handwritten sign on the back read: "Please don't rush me - I'm busy making 25.8 miles to the gallon."

FLYING PRESIDENT

After the devastating Aspen Fire in 2003 on Mount Lemmon northeast of Tucson, President George W. Bush visited the site to deliver a speech on forest policy. He traveled by helicopter from Davis-Monthan Air Force Base to the mountaintop. I was driving my niece JoAnnah, age 6, to her piano lesson as the convoy passed overhead. "Look, JoAnnah," I said. "The president of the United States is in one of those helicopters."

She did not reply.

"There are three of them. Which one do you think it is?" Still no response.

"Is it the first one?"

"No," she retorted with a sigh. "The first president is dead."

FOREBODING PREDICTION

During a recent telephone visit with my brother-in-law, who lives in Minnesota, I was lamenting the devastating effects to Arizona's landscape of the recent drought, summer wildfires and the bark beetle infestation. He replied, "Wow, before long your state is going to turn into a desert!"

{ reader's corner}

There is one thing that keeps me from pursuing mountain climbing... the law of gravity.

Mountain climbing is this month's topic. Send us your jokes and we'll pay $50 for each one we use.

TO SUBMIT HUMOR: Send your jokes and humorous Arizona anecdotes to Humor, Arizona Highways, 2039 W. Lewis Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85009 or e-mail us at [email protected]. Please include your name, address and telephone number with each submission.