HUMOR

{highway to humor} HUMMINGBIRD JOKES

We asked readers for hummingbird jokes, and we got a ton of them. Here's a sample: Since hummingbirds flap their wings so fast, we rarely get a chance to observe them.

I realized that as I tried to explain to my wife that one of the differences between male hummingbirds and female hummingbirds was the number of pinion feathers in their wings.

"Well, that proves my theory," my wife said. "The battle of the

{ early day arizona }

"Do you know, Miss Frisbee," said the large-headed young author, "my most brilliant thoughts come to me in my sleep."

"Isn't it a pity you're troubled with insomnia?" added the young lady.

"Sexes is really just a difference of a pinion."

Why did the hummingbird pull away from the tiger lily? Because he was pistil whipped.

Television producers had plans to feature an extremely talented hummingbird in a television series as a side-kick to an unpopular animated character. The series was canceled halfway through the season. The reason? Though the hummingbird could sing and dance, he just couldn't carry a 'toon.

Why did hummingbirds love the 1960s? "Flower Power."

Said the roadrunner to the hummingbird, "I didn't know that there were compact hummers."

During several visits to my home, my young niece had helped me fill the hummingbird feeder with pink nectar. One day, while watching the beautiful creatures feed, she said, "Auntie, I don't think we need to add food coloring to the water anymore."

"Why's that?" I asked.

"Well," she replied, "we've been doing it for years, and the birds are still green!"

UNUSUAL NOT THAT SIMPLE

Each year our family drives to Flagstaff to play in winter's first snowfall. One year, our son asked if his two young friends and their parents could join us. They'd never played in the snow, so we agreed. On the drive up, the children grew excited as we climbed into high country. All the while, our friends' boys, Randy and Chris, urged us to hurry to the snow. We explained that it would be a couple more hours until we got there. Clearly, this made no impression on Chris. His next question was, "Daddy, what time does the snow open?"

ALL TOO TRUE

Show me a man with both feet planted firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't put on his pants.

WEATHER PREDICTION

When I was young, my family and I went to the Four Corners area. Like most people who visit the landmark, we wanted to get a picture with all of us holding hands, each one in a different state. My brothers stood in Colorado and New Mexico, and I stood in Utah, but my sister refused to stand in the Arizona portion, insisting, "It's always too hot in Arizona!"

GREAT EXPECTATION

Sign seen at a campground: "You are entering mountain lion country. All fees must be paid in advance."

PERSPECTIVE REFUND WITH A SMILE

Greer, a city boy, moved to the country, and bought a donkey for $100 from an old farmer who agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. However, the next day, the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, son, but I have some bad news. The donkey died."

Greer replied, "Well, then, just give me my money back."

The farmer said, "Can't do that. Already spent it."

Greer said, "Okay then, at least give me the donkey."

The farmer asked, "What ya' gonna do with him?"

Greer responded that he was going to raffle him off.

"You can't raffle off a dead donkey," the farmer said.

Greer replied he could, he just wouldn't tell anyone the donkey was dead.

A month later the farmer met up with Greer and asked what happened to the dead donkey.

Greer responded, "I raffled him off. Sold 500 tickets at $2 each and made a profit of $998.

"Didn't anyone complain?" the farmer asked.

"Just the guy who won him, so I gave him his $2 back," Greer said.

{ reader's corner }

Stagecoaches were crowded, cramped and jarring. Throw in a free box lunch, and you would have what we call today "business class."

Send us your travel-related jokes, and we'll pay you $50 for each one we publish.

TO SUBMIT HUMOR: Send your jokes and humorous Arizona anecdotes to Humor, Arizona Highways, 2039 W. Lewis Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85009 or e-mail us at [email protected]. Please include your name, address and telephone number with each submission.