ALONG THE WAY

The Dog's a Dead Duck

A WILD DUCK HAS MADE REPEATED ATTEMPTS to drown my dog in the backyard swimming pool-not on purpose, of course, but real nevertheless. I live in Phoenix, on the Sonoran Desert. Who could have anticipated that I would some day have to match wits with a duck over the life of a hybrid canine, sometimes referred to as a mongrel?

For nearly two years now, it has been me against the duck, and so far I've been winning (the dog is still alive), but the contest is far from concluded. I could blow my lead at any time. The duck has two advantages: The duck can fly, and I don't want to hurt him.

I just want him to go swim in somebody else's pool, or maybe even a lake. Plenty of those are nearby in parks and on golf courses. And almost every resort or upscale housing development has a large water feature, a kind of thumb-yournose at the environment that apparently even ducks find offensive.

Here in a nutshell is the situation with my dog and the unwanted waterfowl: The canine, a 25-pound husky-corgi mix named Bone (so when I say, "Heel, Bone," he knows where to go), has short legs and a long body. He absolutely abhors people luxuriating in the pool.Rarely do I swim, but several years ago I made an exception. To understand this story fully, you need to know that my favorite activity in the water, and one, actually, I'm quite adept at, is floating on my back, relaxing to the point of sleep.

Well, on this particular afternoon, the dog came into the yard, spotted me floating like a dead whale and panicked. I don't know what he thought I was doing, but he began to bark and bark and run around the pool faster and faster with each lap, stopping only to bark and bark again.

And then it happened.The little pooch got too close to the edge, slipped and fell in. The closest Bone had ever gotten to water prior to this was in the bathtub, and he hated that like some Presidents hate broccoli.

Immediately, he began to dog-paddle. He had perfect form. But his legs were not long enough or strong enough to carry his weight-and so he began to sink.

Luckily, I had not yet fallen asleep, saw his plight and retrieved him before he got more than a foot or so below the surface. Normally, I can't tell what dogs think, but at that particular moment, I could tell exactly what flashed through Bone's brain: What the doggie doo happened here? I thought all four-legged animals could swim.

From that day to this, Bone has stayed away from the pool; that is, if no one is in it. But he still goes a little nuts when the pool is occupied. He runs around the perimeter as fast as he can, working up a tantrum and pausing only momentarily to bark a few times. He gets so worked up I fear he may fall into the pool again.

And that gets us back to the duck. You can see the problem. Suppose we awake one morning and let the dog out. He spots the duck bobbing in the pool, goes berserk, begins racing around barking and finally, in a last desperate attempt to rid the homeland of this interloper, flings himself at the feathered floater in the pool. In that event Bone would be, so to speak, a dead duck.

Day after day, I've chased that speckled brown quacking invader from our pool. Splashing a little water after him does the trick. Sometimes he stays away for a few weeks and then, as soon as I let down my guard, up he pops.

My wife heard that ducks fear swans, so we bought a plastic swan (it was really meant to be a flower pot) and put it in the pool. It seemed to work. The duck hadn't appeared for some time, though every time it rained, the pot filled up and the swan sank.

Months went by and it became clear that I had won the battle with the duck. He was nowhere to be seen.

Yesterday he came back. This time he had a lady friend with him. What's next? The kids, then the relatives?

Suddenly the odds have shifted. Now, it seems, I'm faced with the quack-quack version of Hitchcock's The Birds. If those ducks start landing on the roof, I'm moving.

Bone can fend for himself. AH

ARIZONA HIGHWAYS DESERT RIVERS

FROM LUSH READWATERS TO SONORAN SANDS

GILA RIVER

Sweating, bleeding and panicking, I halt in the middle of the tamarisk thicket on the banks of the ghost of a river that haunts the history of the Southwest. The branches of the tamarisk loop over my head, trapping me in a vegetated maze.

ARIZONA HIGHWAYS Special Scenic Collection

The four volumes of the Special Scenic Collection feature spectacular, full-color photographs of Arizona highlights from the Grand Canyon to our spider work of waterways. With descriptive text composed by renowned Arizona Highways contributors, these books inform as well as delight. Now, for a limited time, you can purchase all four for $39, a 20-percent savings! (Regular price $49.) Shop online at shoparizonahighways.com or call our toll-free number (800) 543-5432. Or stop by our retail outlet: 2039 W. Lewis Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85009; (602) 712-2200.

20% savings! Purchase all four for $39.00 (Regular price $49.00.) Ask for promo code 8322-MKT7 to take advantage of this offer.

ACT NOW! Offer expires 4/30/07. Discount applied automatically during checkout, shipping and handling not included. Cannot be combined with any other offers.