EXPERIENCE ARIZONA

gene perret's Witstop The Legend and Laugh Master ВОВ НОРЕ Turns 100

NORMALLY I OPEN THIS COLUMN WITH a salient fact about Arizona. This piece is an exception. Then, again, it's not. Arizona is part of America and this article pays tribute to a great American. This month marks the 100th anniversary of Bob Hope's birth. Hope was born on May 29, 1903, but in Eltham, England, not America. He moved to this country when he was 3 years old. He says he left England as soon as he found out they already had a king. Bob Hope is primarily a funny man. He lives for laughter. I know because I used to write his jokes. And he demanded plenty of them. I used to kid him by telling him that when I first went to work for him, he was 34 years older than I was. After toiling as his writer for just a few years, we were the same age. He wanted a lot of gags, and he wanted them to be surefire. One day I ad-libbed a line to him. He looked at me and said, "That's not very funny." I said, "I know, Bob, but it has a lot of meaning. If you use that line on stage, you'll get big applause." He stared at me with that famous sneer of his and said, "How long have you been writing philosophy?" He wanted jokes funny ones. Hope played Arizona many times. In 1974 he appeared following the Phoenix Symphony. He quipped, "Boy, following the Phoenix Symphony. That's quite a change from working with Crosby." In 1986 Hope was inducted into the Phoenix Open Hall of Fame. He said of that honor, "This is my second biggest milestone in golf. The first was when I finally got my caddy to stop giggling." Hope performed everywhere. He used to do a song in his concert about his travels. It shows how he could quickly age his writers. This number was a medley of songs about places in the United States. He'd pause during the song and do jokes about different locations. There were 12 such pauses in the medley. We writers worked on it for several months, and the gags were working well-except for one place. Hope was never satisfied with the Boston gags. No matter what we wrote, that one spot never seemed to play well. So each night we'd get a call to do more Boston jokes. We got sick of Boston jokes. One evening I told the other writers, "Let's knock ourselves out and really get some great lines for this number so we can get rid of it once and for all." The guys did. I called Hope the next day and asked how the new lines worked. He said they were big, they played beautifully. "In fact," he said, "the Boston stuff worked so well, that now you guys have to come up with better gags for the other 11 spots." Bob Hope was a funny comedian and a legendary showman, but behind the stage persona was a patriot, a philanthropist and a wonderfully human personality. To me, Bob Hope represents first an idol, then a mentor. Eventually, he became my boss and a good friend. I worked with Bob Hope for almost 30 years and traveled around the world with him several times. When he was bringing a Christmas show to war-torn Beirut, he invited me to go along as his writer. I was happy to be included, but I asked him, "Bob, why me?" He said, "Because you write fast, you write funny and you're expendable." He was kidding... I think. Hope journeyed to the trouble spots of the world for more than half a decade. Whenever fighting would break out anywhere on the globe, he would call me and say simply, "Pack." He traveled to these places because he had friends therethe men and women in uniform. He brought songs, dances and jokes to these friends, but mostly he brought a touch of home. His message to the military serving overseas was, "We haven't forgotten you."

"If God had meant for us to enjoy flying and dining, He would have made us all buzzards," says Gene Perret in Someday I Want to Go to All the Places My Luggage Has Been. To order this book ($7.95 plus shipping and handling) or other Perret humor books, call toll-free (800) 543-5432. In Phoenix, call (602) 712-2000. Or use arizonahighways.com.