TOURIST TRADE

THE tourist asked, "Young man will you fill this thermos jug with ice water, and tell me the best way to get to the Petrified Forest?"

"Yes, ma'am. You go east nineteen miles on Highway 260 and turn to your left. That puts you right in the forest. Drive through on the forest road until you reach Highway 66, then go east five more miles and you are on the edge of the Painted Desert."

The fat lady oozed onto a stool to wait while the thermos bottle was being filled.

"Will there be anything else, Ma'am?"

"I don't think I want anything else. If that's all the further it is, I'll fix a lunch in the forest. We just came from theGrand Canyon this morning. I was so disappointed in it. I hope the pictures I took can be touched up. I want to show them to my club. Also, I think it will be nice if I can tell them that while in Arizona I ate lunch in the shade of a petri fied tree."

"It sure will, Ma'am."

Eleven young girls mobbed the soda fountain. It was obvious that they were heading for the Bar Nothing Ranch as they wore denim pants, loud shirts, bandannas, and cowboy boots; a garb

99 44/100% of the women shouldn't

By A. O. Thompson

wear, on account of bulges here and there.

"We each want an ice cream cone. Let's see, I'll take pistachio."

"I want maple pecan."

"White House for me."

"Make mine cherry nut."

"I'll have rum bisque."

"Ladies, we got chocolate, strawberry, and vanilla ice cream."

"What? Is that all? Girls, did you hear?"

"But Lucy, we're in Arizona now. On the frontier, you know. We'll just have to rough it a bit."

"I know, but imagine having only chocolate, strawberry, and vanilla ice cream. We don't want any of those, do we girls?"

"Young man, do you have the Super X 98 camera film?"

"Yes, sir. Got a couple of rolls here."

"How much are they?"

"Fifty-five cents."

"Each? Why back home I get them for forty-nine cents."

"How far back home?"

"Tulsa, Oklahoma."

"Yeah, that's way back. 'Course, it's understandable gettin' film so cheap back there."

"How come?"

"Well, y' see they grow celluloid just across the line in Arkansas."

"Young man, you are insolent."

"No sir. Couldn't interest you in one of these thermos jugs? Got 'em on special. Only a dollar nine cents."

"Why, I have one out in the car that is every bit as good, and it cost me only half that."

"Get it in Tulsa?"

"Yes, I did; and you can put those films back. I don't want them. Why, the prices in this town are outrageous. Do you know what they charged me for a bowl of chili in that restaurant up the street? Fifteen cents! I don't think I'll buy another thing in this town."

"How long you goin' be around, Mister?"

"Oh, about a week."

"Hope you brought along a good grub-stake from Tulsa on account of I wouldn't want you to lose weight out here because the folks back in Tulsa might think we weren't hospitable."

Bang! went the door, but then the West always was noisy.

"Hiya, Buddy, Say, I just made town on my way back east, and I'm broke. Couldn't stake a fellow to a four bit piece, couldya?"

"Fresh out of four-bit pieces, but I could fix up some ice cream for you if you're hungry."

"Say, that's swell. Couldn't let me have some cigarettes, too?"

"Yeh. Could do that."

"Buddy, you sure got a nice spot here. What with the tourist trade it ought to be a regular mint."

"Yeh, it's all right. What flavor cream would you like?"

"Dammit to hell, you'll take strawberry chocolateorvanilla, and like it."

P. S. Have you been to Arizona? •