Arizona Humor

rizona Humor

LEARNING EXPERIENCE New to Arizona, I set out to learn all I could about the state. On this particular occasion, I was visiting an acquaintance in Tucson who suggested I visit the San Xavier del Bac mission, Old Tucson, Kitt Peak and Before she finished, I interrupted, "I've seen all those places." And then feeling proud of myself for how much I had absorbed in such a short time, I said that I'd also learned something about Indians: the Pima, the Navajo, and the Apache. In fact, I said, I'd even visited a couple of reservations.

My friend looked annoyed. But she thought a minute, searching for something I might have missed, and then asked: "Have you been out to see the Cleveland Indians?"

I was stumped until my friend added, "They're out here every year for spring training."

"Have you ever drink a $25,000 cup of coffee?"

TOURING THE CANYON

While heading toward the Desert View Watchtower at the Grand Canyon, I heard the tour-bus operator tell this story: A family of pioneers, with the father at the reins of a station wagon, pulled up to the rim of the Canyon and gasped. His wife and children were snoozing in the back. The man stopped the wagon, walked around to the back, shook his wife awake, and exclaimed: "Martha, I'm going to need your help. We've hit another washout."

THE PRICE OF COFFEE

The late Art Greene, known as the Old Man of the Colorado River, pioneered in running dudes up and down the violent waterway to such natural wonders as Rainbow Bridge, a sandstone arch taller than the nation's capitol. Cabinet officers, governors, and movie stars were among his passengers. One time an elderly passenger asked Art to tie up at the wreck of an antique mining dredge. As Art told it: The old man gathered a few pieces of driftwood, built a fire, and put on a pot of coffee. There were three of us. and so he poured three cups and gave them to us. Then he said, "I hope you enjoy this as much as I do. Long ago, I spent $75,000 for this dredge, and before she could wash out an ounce of gold, the river wrecked her." Grinning, he asked, "Did

WAITING FOR WORD

Some years ago, the couple operating the Skull Valley store and post office decided to take a long-overdue vacation, shortly after the wife's father came to live with them. They showed the old man how to sell stamps, make change, and put the mail in the right boxes. One rancher, expecting word on when friends were coming for a visit, checked at the post office daily. But each day, the old man had no mail for him. Finally, after an anxious weekend, the rancher showed up early Monday morning at the post office and asked if he'd gotten any mail. "Nothin' but a postcard," the old man replied. "A postcard! Where is it?" "I threw it away." "Threw it away!" the rancher retorted, his temper showing. "It don't make no difference," the old man said. "They ain't comin'."

TO SUBMIT HUMOR

Send us a short note about your humorous experiences in Arizona, and we'll pay $75 for each one we publish. We're looking for short stories, no more than 200 words, that deal with Arizona topics and have a humorous punch line. Send them to Humor, Arizona Highways, 2039 W. Lewis Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85009. Please enclose your name, address, and telephone number with each submission. We'll notify those whose stories we intend to publish, but we cannot return unused submissions.

AWASH IN ANTIQUES

Antique collector Cindy Pearson drove to Clifton after a friend told her about an old butter-pretzel jar she'd seen in a store there. "It's in the liquor store near the old jail dug into the mountain," her friend had said. But arriving at the store, Cindy found the proprietor reluctant to sell. "Not for sale," he growled. "It's for the salt pickles." "Oh, come on," she pleaded. "The pickles are 50 cents each. I'll buy them all, plus give you a fair price for the jar." "What's a fair price?" the man asked. "Twenty bucks." The proprietor looked her over, then held out his hand and said, "Sold." Cindy was ecstatic. There were seven pickles in the jar. The final tab was $23.50, a great bargain in her mind. Two weeks later, Cindy was in Tucson and stopped to visit another friend. She winced when she saw an identical butterpretzel jar on the kitchen counter. Same shape as hers. Same glass top. Same lettering. "I can't believe you have that jar," said Cindy. "Isn't it cute?" her friend asked with a smile. "I bought it the other day at the local discount store."