Arizona Humor

rizona Humor

While visiting the Grand Canyon, we attended a lecture by a park naturalist. One listener asked him: "Do the guides who lead the mule trains down these steep canyon trails ever have a mule slip and kill one of their customers?"

"No, they have a favored relationship with the Deity," the naturalist replied, emphasizing his point with the following story: A Catholic priest and a Presbyterian minister died and met St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Gentlemen, go over to the review desk, and our angels will evaluate your earthly records," St. Peter said.

Shortly thereafter another man arrived at the gates. "Good morning, sir. What did you do while on Earth?"

"I led mule trains down to the very bottom of the Grand Canyon."

"Great!" St. Peter exclaimed. "Welcome to heaven. Come on in."

Hearing this, both the revererend and the priest were perplexed.

wanted to know, "we who have labored all our days for the Lord need to have our records reviewed while you welcome this mule skinner directly into heaven?"

"Gentlemen," St. Peter replied, "that mule skinner has scared the hell out of more people than both of you put together."

Just before my husband Entered World War II, we bought a small ranch in the Sedona area. When he went overseas, my mother and I went to the ranch to spend a few weeks.

The spread had a wee house and a great weeping willow in the front yard under which we observed bubbles and a tiny pool, which we assumed was a bubbling spring. We took our chairs and our lunch out beside it each day and remarked how lucky we were.

One day our dear friend from whom we had bought the place dropped by, and we proudly showed him our spring.

"Good grief," he exclaimed, "your septic tank is overflowing."

JUNGLE WARFARE

The 158th Infantry Regiment OfThe Arizona National Guard was called into federal service in 1940 and was sent to Panama shortly after the attack on Pearl Harbor. There it was brought to full combat strength with men from 39 other states who began a year of intensive jungle-warfare training.

A Chicago newspaper correspondent likened the outfit to the bushmaster, a deadly Central American viper that tracks its prey for hours before striking. The name stuck as the ground unit fought its way across the South Pacific, eventually being disbanded in Japan in 1946.

Years later a New York teacher asked her pupils if any knew of a snake other than a rattler or a garter.

"Bushmaster," called out Johnny Sannito.

The surprised teacher explained this rare snake to her class and then asked Johnny

"How come," the priest

MEXICAN FOOD

While on vacation in Arizona, my mother and I had the pleasure of dining at a wonderful Mexican-food restaurant in Flagstaff, but we soon discovered the Mexican food of the Southwest is entirely different from that of the South.

As we savored the hot, spicy enchiladas, tamales, and fajitas, tears rolled down our faces faster than we could wipe them away. The fare was marvelous but was absolutely the hottest we had ever consumed.

At the next table, a child of about five and his parents were seated. To each food item he was offered, he exclaimed an emphatic, "No." Occasionally, he glanced over at us with wide-eyed astonishment, no doubt noticing the tears we dabbed after each bite.

Becoming annoyed at her son's refusal of all the food that she offered, the mother finally asked the boy what he wanted to eat.

He thought for a long moment, then replied: "Let's go over to McDonalds. The food here hurts."

How he knew of the snake. "My grandpop was one," said Johnny.

HOW BIG WAS IT?

The ranch was located between Oracle Junction and Florence, bordering U.S. 89 and running northeast toward the Tortilla Mountains.

The old desert dweller who owned the ranch was riding horseback inspecting a new fence along the highway when a car pulled up.

The driver, a gregarious Texan, approached the man and asked, "You own this ranch?"

The rancher nodded. "Sure do."

"How big is your spread?" asked the traveler.

"Well, I run from the highway here almost to them mountains."

"That ain't much of a ranch in Texas. I got a spread back home where I can get in my pickup in the morning and drive all day before I can get to the west end just about suppertime."

The old man touched one spur to his horse and replied, "I used to have an old pickup like that myself."

TO SUBMIT HUMOR

Send us a short note about your humorous experiences in Arizona, and we'll pay $75 for each one we publish.

We're looking for short stories, no more than 200 words, that deal with Arizona topics and have a humorous punch line.

Send them to Humor, Arizona Highways, 2039 W. Lewis Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85009. Please enclose your name, address, and telephone number with each submission.

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