Arizona Humor

rizona Humor SEDONA SCENERY

As a volunteer at the Sedona/Oak Creek Visitors Information Center, I was giving directions to an East Coast couple on how to get to Red Rock Crossing and Cathedral Rock, the most photographed spot in the area. I stressed they must not miss the left fork in the road.

"You'll see it just after you pass the cattle guard on the gravel road," I told them.

After browsing through the brochures the man came back to me and said, "I just want to be sure I've got all these directions right. Now just what color is that cattle guard's uniform?"

Willy Alcorn Sedona

HOMESTEADING

Because water is in critically short supply in Arizona, many pioneers homesteaded on land with a natural spring. And so it was with my predecessors in the 1870s. They were one family, among others, who built near a spring in the mountain regions of the territory.

One day my great-grandmother was complaining that her nearest neighbor lived five miles away, prompting her husband, a true mountain man, to explain: "If God had meant for folks to be crowded together, He would have put the springs closer together."

Clarence W. Durham Mathis, TX

MISSING BOOTS

Because of a last-minute switch in vehicles, I inadvertently left my hiking boots on the top of the truck we drove out to the Superstition Mountains.

We planned to take our Boy Scout troop on a 17-mile hike to Circle Stone and Reevis Ranch, and, because I was one of the required two adults, I decided to make the hike anyway in my sandals.

My feet got very sore and bruised, but the pain was not nearly as great as the distress caused by losing a $100 pair of hiking boots.

The following week I went looking for the boots and found one of them along the roadway. I took it to the next troop meeting and showed it around.

"Wow," said our senior patrol leader, "now you're only out $50."

Jack Huston Miami

OUT SHOPPING

While my family and I were out shopping, a coworker called to ask for a ride to work the next day. When we returned, my nine-year-old son, Matthew, went To the answering machine. After hearing the messages, he went to my husband and asked if he had a girlfriend.

"No," he answered, somewhat shocked.

"Then why does Geri want you to give her a ring?"

Linda Berg Glendale

HIKING TALES

Not long ago while hiking one of the trails in the Santa Rita Mountains near Tucson, my brother and I experienced one of those unforgettable moments.

We had decided to take a break, and while resting I caught a movement out of the corner of my eye. Then I saw an animal run away from us and down the slope toward the basin below.

"What was that?" my brother asked.

"A bear cub," I replied. Fearful the mother bear would soon show up, we climbed a large juniper tree nearby.

"Uh, don't bears climb up trees?" my brother asked.

"That's why you're on the bottom," I answered.

Ted Skinner, Jr. Tucson

WEATHER REPORT

Following a Thanksgiving visit, our children and grand-children prepared to board a large motorhome for their return home. The weather, however, was very windy, enough to make the journey difficult for the driver.

I began calling around the state for weather reports and finally got in touch with the Mohave County Sheriff's Office in Kingman.

"I'm calling you from Lake Havasu City," I said. "Do you have a weather report?"

"I don't have a weather report," the deputy replied, "but I have a road-condition report."

"That's what I want."

"All roads are clear."

"It's very windy here, and I thought perhaps there is a high-profile vehicle warning."

"Oh, there is," the deputy said.

"When will it be over?" I asked.

"When the wind stops blowing," he replied.

Marti Prouse Lake Havasu City

TO SUBMIT HUMOR

Send us a short note about your humorous experiences in Arizona, and we'll pay $75 for each one we publish.

We're looking for short stories, no more than 200 words, that deal with Arizona topics, and have a humorous punch line.

Send them to Humor, Arizona Highways, 2039 W. Lewis Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85009. Please enclose your name, address, and telephone number with each submission.

We'll notify those whose stories we intend to publish, but we cannot acknowledge or return unused submissions.