Arizona Humor

rizona Humor SECOND COLLECTION

At St. Monica's Church in Tucson during an Easter Sunday service crowded with winter visitors as well as local parishioners, the pastor announced there would be a second collection "to help install a new air-conditioner for those of us who have to stay here and suffer through the torments of a Tucson summer."

As the ushers moved down the aisles armed with their long-handled collection baskets, the gleeful voice of a four-year-old child broke the silence: "Daddy, Daddy, they're coming to give our money back."

The Rev. Van A. Wagner St. Monica's Church Tucson

FAITH IN GOD

This is a story I like to tell those attending our new student orientation at Paradise Valley Community College in Phoenix to demonstrate points about communication, perception, and expectations: A man named Jim lived in a floodplain in Phoenix, and during one monsoon season his house began to flood. Though his neighbors began to evacuate, Jim simply went to the second floor. "God will look out for me," he said.

The water rose, and Jim moved to the third floor. When rescue workers came by in a boat, Jim declined their aid. "God will look out for me," he said.

The surging flood waters rose again, and this time Jim climbed out onto the roof. Another boat came by, but again Jim turned down rescueing, "God will look out for me,"

A short while later Jim was having a conversation with St. Peter. "I really need to talk to God," Jim said. So St. Peter took him to see God.

"Lord, I had faith in you, yet you let me die," Jim said. "Why?"

God replied, "Jim, I tried to save you, but you would not let me. Who do you think sent those boats?"

Laurie Lalko Phoenix

ROAD CONDITIONS

In 1981, while attending Northern Arizona University in Flagstaff, a friend and I had taken a weekend to run home to Tucson.

At Cordes Junction on the way back, we heard it was snowing hard in Tucson. A highway patrolman came by and my friend asked, "How are the roads around Flagstaff?"

The patrolman rubbed his chin a minute and said, "Well, I was up there about a year ago. I think they're all paved."

Cathy A. Maddox Okinawa, Japan

UNWELCOME MONSOON

At the end of the camp summer mer session in Tucson, the director scheduled a sleep-out on the front lawn of the nearby school.

Parents were concerned because the monsoon season had started, and they feared the children would be caught in a thunderstorm.

As the big day arrived, there were ominous dark clouds everywhere. But the director assured everyone it would not rain.

And he was right. There was no rain, and the evening's activities went well. About midnight the exhausted campers settled into their sleeping bags on the ground and fell asleep.

Then at 2:00 A.M. the lawn sprinklers went on, drenching everyone.

Cynthia Foster Schweitzer Tucson

A BEARABLE EXPERIENCE

A few years ago, my friend and I were hiking a trail in the Chiricahua Mountains at about 6,000 feet when we came face-to-face with a black bear.

Simultaneously frightened, we all made haste in opposite directions. Later my friend kidded me about the heavy boots I was wearing and then said, "I'm glad I was wearing tennis shoes, just in case."

To which I replied, "They wouldn't have helped you if that bear had wanted to attack us. They can outrun a horse, I hear."

"Yes," my friend said, "but I didn't have to outrun the bear. I only had to outrun you."

John R. Downs Bisbee

THE VISITORS ASK

Since I began working for the National Park Service at Saguaro National Monument near Tucson, I've gotten a variety of strange questions and comments from visitors. But I was taken aback recently when a tourist asked: "At what elevation do the deer turn into elk?"

Fran Stevens Tucson

WALL HANGING

The wall decor in one of the cafés at Roosevelt Lake included a head and shoulders mount of a javelina. For years the mean-looking little beast was the basis for a standing joke.

"What's that?" a wide-eyed tourist would ask.

"We don't know," the waitress would reply, "but it was going like the devil when it hit that wall."

Dean Cook Glendale

TO SUBMIT HUMOR

Send us a short note about your humorous experiences in Arizona, and we'll pay $75 for each one we publish.

We're looking for short stories, no more than 200 words, that deal with Arizona topics and have a humorous punch line.

Send them to Humor, Arizona Highways, 2039 W. Lewis Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85009. Please enclose your name, address, and telephone number with each submission.

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