Arizona Humor

rizona Humor_ CRAWLY THINGS

When my grandchildren came from Los Angeles for a visit, I was determined they would not grow up afraid of the wee things of Nature.

I took them out on a hike among the boulders and trees, pointing out Hortense, the horned toad, Lila, the lizard, Katie, the caterpillar, and Billy, the beetle. They seemed to accept them well.

That night as we sat around the fireplace, a granddaddy longlegs emerged from the wood box. Four-year-old Douglas raised his foot to stomp the spider, but his fiveyear-old sister, Jina Bea, interceded: "Don't! That might be one of Grandma's friends."

INDIAN IDENTIFICATION

I had lived in this area for three years, so when a friend from Massachusetts visited, I was eager to point out that I had learned to identify members of various Indian tribes by the facial features.

At a fast-food restaurant, I smugly told my friend that the teenage boy who waited on us was either a Navajo or Hopi.

As we left, the friend asked the boy what tribe he belonged to.

"I'm from the Philippines," he replied.

STUDENT COUNSELING

I was going over the transcript of a Maricopa Community College student who needed help to improve her grades when something caught my eye that made me sigh.

A coworker asked what was wrong.

I replied, "I am not sure what to say to a student who received an "F" in a class called "Eliminating Self-defeating Behavior."

SPECIAL PRICING

At PJ's Restaurant in Clifton hangs this price declaration: Coffee Prices

Spoon whackers, whistlers, cup wavers, and finger pointers all pay DOUBLE.

Ask about our weekly rates.

GOPHERS CALLING

After having a great deal of trouble with gophers in a farming area near Queen Creek, the foreman of a telephone cable repair crew decided to call the engineering department for help.

Eventually, an engineer arrived, surveyed the scene, and declared, "The trouble could not be caused by gophers. We did a study at Arizona State University and found that gophers will go only so deep. We placed this cable at a depth they would not go."

After some thought, the repair foreman replied, "I guess these gophers didn't attend ASU."

NAVAJO WEAVING

When I was 12 years old, my parents took me on an Arizona vacation during which I became fascinated with Navajo woven rugs. I would spend long moments marveling at the intricate designs and wondering how anyone could fashion them with such exactness and balance.

I recently recalled my reaction when I watched my 12year-old daughter as she looked at the pictures of Indian art in an issue of Arizona Highways.

When she came to the pictures of Navajo rugs, she stopped turning the pages and sat totally mesmerized by the images. I was sure she was thinking the exact thoughts I had at her age.

When she finally closed the magazine, I said, "You spent a long time looking at the pictures of Indian rugs. What was so fascinating?"

She smiled and replied, "I was wondering what computer program they used to come up with those designs."

VISITOR FROM THE BIG CITY

When my mother-in-law visited from New York City, my husband and I begged her to accompany us on a desert outing to Palm Canyon north of Yuma.

She had no desire to sightseeing, but we were convinced that after a lifetime of being hemmed in by noise and building-to-building concrete, she would be thrilled by the spacious beauty and silent mystery of the pristine Arizona desert.

Once at the canyon, I pointed out to her the vast graygreen view across the desert floor west to the Cibola Mountains a moonscape of rock and chaparral - unbroken by any manmade structure.

"Oh, Mother Lewis, isn't this the most wonderful place you ever saw?"

Raised in the land of mile after endless mile of identical houses, she stared at me in amazement. "What's to see? There's nothing there."

TO SUBMIT HUMOR

Send us a short note about your humorous experiences in Arizona, and we'll pay $75 for each one we publish.

We're looking for short stories, no more than 200 words, that deal with Arizona topics and have a humorous punch line.

Send them to Humor, Arizona Highways, 2039 W. Lewis Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85009. Please enclose your name, address, and telephone number with each submission.

We'll notify those whose stories we intend to publish, but we cannot acknowledge or return unused submissions.