Arizona Humor

rizona Humor

HOT-WEATHER ACTIVITY was passing through Gila Bend on a steamy July day when I heard a woman ask an elderly gentleman sitting in the shade of a paloverde tree, "What are you going to do today?" "Ma'am," he answered, "I ain't going to do nothing, and I ain't going to do that until it cools down a mite." Maggie Cantrell Gatesville, TX A year later she came to visit us in the small town of Douglas about a hundred miles southeast of Tucson on the Mexican border. As we drove from the airport at Tucson, there were long stretches where nothing could be seen but cactus and cattle. As we approached Douglas, I asked her opinion of Arizona scenery. After a moment's reflection, she said, "I'm impressed. I've never seen so much of noth-ing so well fenced." Francis C. Gaudet Douglas BIG-TIME REPUTATION Frontier Tombstone attorney Allen English, defending a client in the court at Bisbee, decided a good strong character witness was in order. The accused chose one, and, in time, the prosecutor got his chance to cross-examine the witness. "Do you know the accused well?" the prosecutor asked. "Yep," the witness replied. "Do you know that he frequently gets drunk?" "Yep." "Did you know he beats his wife?" "Yep. Know his wife, too." "Did you know he gets into fights in the Tombstone saloons?" "Yep." "Did you know he cheats at cards?" "Yep." "Did you know that he once killed and ate an unbranded calf?" "Yep." The prosecutor was aghast. "You mean you know all these things about this defendant, and you still say he has a good reputation in Tombstone?" "Yep," the witness replied. "It takes a heap more than that to get a bad reputation in Tombstone." Ben T. Traywick Tombstone RESERVATION TOURING A tourist driving through the Navajo Indian Reservation noticed an Indian lying near the highway with his ear to the ground, and he stopped to see what the fellow was doing. As the tourist approached, the Indian raised his head slightly and in a strained voice said, "Small green Pontiac. Lady with red hat driving. Three children in backseat with small dog. Arizona license plate." "That's amazing," the tourist said. "You can tell all that just by putting your ear to the ground?" The Indian looked up again and said, "Ear nothing. That car just ran over me." Thomas R. (T.J.) Kabel Niceville, FL THANKS, WE THINK When we moved from New York to Arizona, our daughter stayed in the city to work as a nurse. My favorite Grand Canyon story is about a blasé young boy who was vacationing in Arizona with his parents. Nothing seemed to impress the child until he came to the Grand Canyon. He became really excited when he was told how deep the Canyon was, and he insisted his parents hold him over the edge. That night his parents peeked at a postcard the boy was writing. It said, "Dear Jimmy, Today I spit a mile." Mrs. Christy Johnston Prescott FISHING PREPARATIONS Before heading out of town for a two-week fishing trip to the White Mountains, we decided to stop at one of the local markets to take advantage of a terrific canned-goods sale. There was a one-case limit, and most of the customers were buying the limit. When we got to the sale aisle, all the boxes were gone. So we loaded our arms with loose cans in the amount of a case. My partner pulled out his wallet as the clerk rang up the purchase. "Wanna box for those?" the clerk asked. "No, but I'll arm wrestle you for them." Jerry Lange Phoenix while I recounted the previous night's thunderstorm, and one eye on the buzzards. When I'd finished, we both gave our full attention to the birds. Several more appeared over the crest of the hill and began a slow, lazy descent toward our log. Abbey looked at me, perplexed. "One of us must be dead," he said. Andy Robinson Tucson AN INSIGHTFUL MEETING While backpacking through the Santa Catalina Mountains near Tucson, I encountered Edward Abbey, the late environmentalist and author. We sat on a log to share news of the trail. Almost immediately, a pair of turkey vultures began circling above our heads. Abbey kept one polite eye on me, while I recounted the previ-ous night's thunderstorm, and one eye on the buzzards. When I'd finished, we both gave our full attention to the birds. Several more appeared over the crest of the hill and began a slow, lazy descent to-ward our log. Abbey looked at me, per-plexed. "One of us must be dead," he said. Andy Robinson Tucson