Arizona Humor

rizona Humor A NEW LABOR DAY MEANING

Last Labor Day, while vacationing in Phoenix, we visited the Phoenix Zoo.

But when we came to the African lion exhibit, my sister-in-law noticed that only the female lions were out. No males.

"Of course there's no mail today," I replied. "Today's a holiday."

BIG-GAME HUNTER

While exploring the desert around our house, the four-year-old son of some out-of-state friends managed to capture a horned lizard, better known as a horny toad. Placing it in an old shoe box, he came running across the patio to show me his prize.

"Man alive!" I exclaimed, and off he went to play with his new friend.

A short while later, he again came running across the patio, this time teary eyed and holding up an empty shoe box for me to see.

"What happened?" I asked.

"I lost my 'man alive."

INDIAN RUINS

We were listening to a ranger giving a very interesting talk about the Casa Grande Ruins National Monument and the Indians who occupied them.

The ranger would stop every once in a while and say, "If you don't agree with what I've told you, please feel free to form your own theories."

He had reason to repeat this saying three or four times during the talk. When he finished he asked for questions.

A little boy about five years old raised his hand, stood up, and said, "I don't know about the rest of these people, but I believe you."

NOAH'S ARK

My grandchildren were arranging a carved wooden set of Noah, the animals, and the ark.

One child, searching through the box that held the objects, came up empty-handed.

"Didn't Noah have a wife?" he asked.

"Of course he did," the boy's older sister replied. "She was Joan of Arc."

READING LESSON

Saguaro shadows stretched across the thorny sunbronzed landscape along U.S. Route 95 as we raced the sunset toward Yuma.

We flashed past the "Yuma Proving Ground" sign marking the boundary of the military's bombing and gunnery range at the southern end of the Dome Mountains. Noah, recently turned seven and newly adept at reading, sat buckled into the front passenger seat.

We drank in the late-afternoon glory of the scenery for a mile in silence before he turned to me.

"Dad," he said solemnly.

"Yeah," I said.

"What does Yuma have to prove?"

FLOOD STAGE

During the flooding that occurred early in 1993, volunteers with a search and rescue team in Tucson came upon an interesting sight while looking for stranded flood victims along the rising Rillito River.

Six members of one family, after fleeing to the safety of their rooftop, seemed more intent on watching the goings-on in their submerged backyard than in being rescued.

No one even noticed the rescuers as they gained the rooftop. Instead, they all stared into the brown water watching a hat float first in one direction and then the other. Back and forth it went, again and again, even against the current.

Amazed, one of the rescuers finally asked, "What is that?"

"Grandpa," someone answered without looking up.

"Grandpa?"

"Yeah, last week he said, 'Come hell or high water, I'm going to mow that lawn."

STUDENT BOOKWORMS

When I drove the Yuma City/County Library bookmobile, one of our stops was the Immaculate Conception School. Some of the students liked to check out rather spicy books, such as those by Judy Blume.

One day, while several of the girls were gathering their favorite reading material, one suddenly pointed and said, "Here comes Father," and they all promptly hid their selections.

The girls stood around looking guilty until one finally thought of something to say. "Look, Father," she said pointing to a shelf, "there's a Bible."

The priest smiled and said, "I saw the movie. The hero gets killed, but it has a happy ending."

COWBOY PICTURE

I am a snowbird who enjoys spending the winters riding horses. One day while riding at Needle Rock just north of Rio Verde, a woman who was looking at the river asked me if she could take my picture.

She said she wanted a picture of a real cowboy.

I explained that I was not an Arizona cowboy but a toiletseat salesman from Minnesota.

"That's okay," she said, "in Indiana they won't know the difference anyway."

TO SUBMIT HUMOR

Send us a short note about your humorous experiences in Arizona, and we'll pay $75 for each one we publish.

We're looking for short stories, no more than 200 words, that deal with Arizona topics and have a humorous punch line.

Send them to Humor, Arizona Highways, 2039 W. Lewis Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85009. Please enclose your name, address, and telephone number with each submission.

We'll notify those whose stories we intend to publish, but we cannot acknowledge or return unused submissions.