Arizona Humor

rizona Humor_ SHEEP RAISING

Friends of ours retired to a small Arizona ranch and acquired a few sheep.

At lambing time, it was necessary to bring two newborn lambs into the house for care and bottle-feeding by the rancher's wife. As they grew, they tended to follow her around.

I asked, "What did you name them?"

She replied with a sigh, "Goodness and Mercy."

LAX CHURCHGOER

A Carefree couple takes their small grandson to church every Sunday.

One particular Sunday, Grandma, as she always did, took her seat in the choir. But, knowing her husband well, gave the boy a dollar to wake the old man if he began to doze.

After a while, she noticed Grandpa nodding off and signaled the boy to wake him. But to no avail.

Afterward she asked the grandson why he didn't wake his grandpa, as they had agreed when she gave him the dollar.

"Because Grandpa gave me two dollars to let him sleep," the boy replied.

SUNDAY SCHOOL SONG

When my niece, Patty, came home from Sunday School, my sister asked her what she had done in class.

"We sang a song about Grandpa," the girl replied.

Later my sister asked the Sunday School teacher what song the class had sung. The teacher said it was "Jesus Died for All Mankind."

My niece thought the song was "Jesus Died for Old Man Klein."

RETIREMENT LIVING

My parents live in South Dakota but plan to move to Phoenix when they retire. So while they were visiting us one Christmas, we decided to look around at some mobile home parks for retirees.

My three-year-old son asked, "Why don't we see any kids around?"

We explained that this was a place for "retired" people.

While checking out the park a week later, my son spoke up proudly, "I remember this place. This is where old tired people live."

BABY BOOM

A Sun City friend who volunteered at a maternity clinic confided to me, "Never, in all my life, have I seen so many babies in layaway."

SECOND THOUGHTS

Children at St. Joan of Arc parish in Phoenix presented a Christmas play at one of the Yuletide masses.

As Mary and Joseph were told there was no room for them at the inn, they appeared very sad, so sad in fact that the seven year old playing the innkeeper had second thoughts about turning them away.

"Hey," he called out, "why don't you come in for a drink before you go?"

ENCOUNTER WITH SANTA

In December the Elks Lodge in Show Low held a Christmas party for White Mountain Apache children.

The Elk members deposited cookies and candy in each child's goodie sack as they lined up to visit Santa, who was seated in his big chair.

One five-year-old boy climbed up on Santa's lap and stared wide-eyed at his huge white beard. Then, after reciting his Christmas wish list, he jumped down and held up his sack as Santa dropped in a big red apple.

The boy lowered his arms and looked into his sack. Then with a troubled expression on his face and tears

Wellling in his eyes, the boy said:

"You broke my cookie."

TOUGHING IT OUT

Several years ago while visiting Old Tucson, a tourist strolled into a blacksmith shop just after the smith had placed a fiery hot horseshoe on a bench to cool.

Before the blacksmith could warn him, the tourist picked up the hot shoe and instantly put it down.

"Get burned?" the alarmed blacksmith asked.

"Nah," the tourist answered.

"It just doesn't take me long to look at a horseshoe."

AIRPORT MISTLETOE

While at the Tucson International Airport on my way to visit relatives in California for the Christmas holidays, I noticed a sprig of mistletoe hanging over the baggage counter.

I asked the clerk what it was doing in such a peculiar place.

"It's so you can kiss your luggage good-bye," he said

TO SUBMIT HUMOR

Send us a short note about your humorous experiences in Arizona, and we'll pay $75 for each one we publish.

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Send them to Humor, Arizona Highways, 2039 W. Lewis Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85009. Please enclose your name, address, and telephone number with each submission.

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