Arizona Humor

rizona Humor Plant Expert

A friend visiting Arizona for the first time was eager to learn as much as possible about the state. He took detailed notes on the various cacti and other desert plants.

After I identified several olive trees for him, he got a puzzled look on his face and asked, "How do you tell which ones are green and which ones are black?"

Hot Tub Talk

In Tempe during spring baseball training, I was relaxing by the pool and listening to a three-year-old boy sharing all he knew with an aging gentleman reclining in a hot tub.

"Mimi is in the apartment. Mama's swimming over there." Then, after a pause, "My papa is with the angels."

The man fell silent. Guessing what he must be thinking, I spoke up. "His father is not with the heavenly angels. He's with the California Angels."

Moving to Arizona

Several years ago when my wife and I decided to relocate from Miami, Florida, to Tucson we wanted to make sure our children, Toby, six, and Gloria, eight, were comfortable with the idea. We gathered together to discuss the move.

Gloria asked about time zones.

"Yes, Arizona's in a different time zone," I said. "It's in the Mountain Time Zone, three hours earlier than Florida."

Toby asked if the weather were like Florida's.

"Oh, yes, but Arizona has a different warmth," I said. "It's not hot and humid like Florida. It's hot and arid. Not wet. Arid means dry."

The next day we overheard Toby's conversation with a young friend.

"Yeah," said Toby, "we're moving to where it's hot and dry."

"Where's that?"

"I'm not real sure," Toby said, "but it's in a different place and time, somewhere in the mountains, in the Arid Zona."

Teenage Impression

Our teenage nephew, who viewed himself as a cool and unflappable dude, had heard about the Grand Canyon in school back East, but now his family was on a vacation and headed for the real thing.

At Yaki Point on the South Rim, he peered over the guardrail into the sun-dappled abyss. For a long moment he stared, eyes wide, jaw slack. Finally he sputtered, "What the devil happened here?"

Tom Mix Memorial

My family and I stopped to visit the Tom Mix Memorial on U.S. Route 89 between Florence and Tucson.

As we read the bronze plaque embedded in the memorial, which stands a good eight feet high, I explained how the famous cowboy movie star crashed his Cord auto at this spot and died.

Our seven-year-old son, Adam, was impressed and, after several reflective moments, opined, "I think I know what happened, Dad. I'll bet Mr. Mix ran right into this monument."

Church Offering

While visiting his grandparents in Tucson, our son Sean attended his first church service with the grown-ups.

As the offering plate was being passed around, Sean watched intently as person after person donated.

Noticing his interest, his grandmother asked if he would like to fill out an envelope.

He did so, and when the plate came around he dropped it in.

"So," he asked his grandparents as the plate continued down the aisle, "if they pick my name what do I win?"

Oak Creek Fishing

My young son and I were returning to our Oak Creek campsite after a successful morning of trout fishing. As we walked past our neighboring camp, a man drawled, "How did you come to get all wet, son?"

"I didn't come to get all wet," Jim replied. "I came to fish and I slipped on a rock."

Rolling Stone

My younger brother said he knew when I was still quite young that I was going to be a scientist.

"And what made you think so?" I asked.

"Remember when we used to climb the hills around Miami and roll big rocks down the sides?"

"Yeah, but how did you know I was going to be a scientist?"

"Because every time we'd roll a stone down the hill, you'd follow it down, roll it around to look it over, and then you'd shake your head and say, 'Nope, no moss."

TO SUBMIT HUMOR

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