Arizona Humor

rizona Humor Guilty or Not?

A tourist was found in the desert near death from lack of water and food. Near him were the remains of a California condor.

After regaining his health, the tourist was charged with willful destruction of an endangered species.

But he appealed to the judge, "After wandering for days, lost, hungry, and dying of thirst, I came upon the condor and killed it with a rock. Had I not eaten its flesh and drunk its blood, I surely would have perished."

The judge thought carefully, then said, "Under these very unusual circumstances, the court agrees with you and dismisses the charge. But, off the record, what does condor taste like?"

"Well, your honor," the man replied, "it had the texture of spotted owl and the flavor of a bald eagle."

Setting Priorities

In a graduate educational psychology class at Arizona State University, the professor told this story to make a point about people's changing priorities: A rich young man was in an auto accident, and another motorist stopped to help him. The young man was lying near his car moaning, "My BMW. My BMW."

The Good Samaritan was astonished. He said, "Your car?

Why young man, you've lost your left arm."

The man started to cry, "My Rolex. My Rolex."

Retirement Option

Last summer, while exploring the beautiful Mogollon Rim country, my husband and I stopped at a small restaurant for breakfast and soon found ourselves in conversation with an older gentleman.

He explained that he was a retired policeman from California and that he'd always wanted to see Arizona. So for the last three months he had fished and camped extensively in the state.

But now, he said, it was time to return home to his wife.

When we inquired why his wife was not with him, he replied: "That poor dear woman. When I retired she got half as much money and twice as much husband. My being here IS her vacation."

Petrified Forest

My husband, Dan, was discharged from the Air Force in California in late 1945, and we decided on the way home to Kansas to visit the Petrified Forest. The park ranger who greeted us at the west gate asked politely if we had any petrified wood with us, and where we got it.

"Yes, sir," said Dan, "bought a piece in Phoenix."

"Where is it?"

"In the bottom of that duffel bag, I think. Want to see it?"

The ranger eyed our conveyance: a 1931 Model A Ford that showed its many thousands of miles. Each front fender held a bulging duffel bag tied with rope. In back, the rumble seat was full, and the seat cushions were lashed on top. Dan was still in uniform.

The ranger studied for a moment and then said, "Never mind. Go on and enjoy yourselves."

As we drove away, his final words were, "And when you get to the east gate, just say no."

Indian Ruins

During a visit to the Grand Canyon, I attended a lecture by a young park service naturalist on the Anasazi culture, particularly as it related to the Canyon area.

She said there were a large number of Anasazi ruins discovered in the Canyon.

Pressed by a woman for a more precise figure, she said more than a thousand ruins had been discovered.

This seemed to sate the curiosity of the questioner, but only for a moment.

"Well, then," the woman asked, "exactly how many ruins have not been discovered?"

Rides at the Fair

We took our grandson to the county fair, and, though he was only four years old, he wanted to go on the more exciting rides with his two older sisters.

When he was told that there were height restrictions on certain rides, he was visibly disappointed.

But then his face lit up. "I'm sure I can go," he said. "Mom said I'm tall for my age."

Weather Forecasting

One night while dropping off paperwork at the main police building in Phoenix, I overheard some police officers talking about going on vacation on the Mogollon Rim.

One officer asked, "Do you know what the weather will be like?"

Another officer answered, "Yes, it'll be muggy on the Rim."

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