ARIZONA HUMOR

rizona Humor Manger Scene

Last Christmas while visiting my son and his family in Tucson, I stood gazing at a lovely manger scene made by my grandson at school and which now was proudly displayed on a small stand next to the Christmas tree. The seven-year-old boy watched as I inspected each figure, Joseph, Mary, and the Christ Child.

Off to one side stood another figure of a short plump man.

"Who's the little fat guy?" I asked.

"That's Round John Virgin," he said. Seeing the question on my face, he continued. "You know, Grandpa, like in 'Silent Night.' Round John Virgin, mother, and child."

Desert Yuletide Greeting

Those of us who live in the desert Southwest do not experience the "traditional" Christmas weather. One man I know decided to capitalize on that point on the Christmas cards he sent.

His card contained a picture of him decked out in a Santa Claus suit on a floating chair in his swimming pool. Next to him floated a cane, a hat, a couple of large black buttons, and a carrot.

Frosty the Snowman had melted.

Heavenly Housecleaning

When my brother was custodian of our church in Holbrook, the Sunday school teachers were constantly reminding the children to keep the Heavenly Father's house clean.

One day while cleaning the floors, my brother felt a tug on his coat. He turned around and saw a little boy standing there. "Heavenly Father," the boy said, "Johnny just threw some papers on your floor."

Look at That!

Last summer while driving from Phoenix to the Grand Canyon with my husband and our two sons, we passed a lovely wooded area and my husband spotted something moving.

"Look, there's an elk," he said.

There was a lot of commotion in the car as we all searched frantically to get a glimpse of the animal.

After we all settled down, our youngest son, who was six, was angry and frustrated and made sure everyone in the car knew it.

I asked him what the problem was.

"It's not fair," he said, "everyone got to see an elf but me."

Learning to Pray

Our grandson, Kaleb, who grew up in Kingman, was five years old when he learned the Lord's Prayer. To demonstrate, he recited the prayer perfectly until he came to the end.

"For thine is the Kingman, the power, and the glory forever," he concluded.

Cowboy Troubles

The young man, hired to work a ranch south of Williams, showed signs of becoming a better than average cowboy. He was regarded as a good addition to the outfit.

All went quite well until he meandered into matrimony, and into debt as well.

As a temporary solution to the debt problem, the cowboy applied for a loan at the bank.

The banker, noting that the cowboy worked for a prominent rancher, gave the cowboy a note and told him to take it to his boss.

The ranch owner read the note, which explained that if he would cosign, the bank would lend the cowboy the money he sought.

The old rancher pushed his hat back, exposing a furrowed forehead and replied, "Young man, I'll tell you what to do. You go tell the banker that if he'll sign your note, I'll lend you the money."

Spontaneous Prayer

My two little sisters, ages five and six, my three-year-old brother, and I were clearing our yard of litter one warm summer evening under the supervision of my father when our older sister discovered the body of a young sparrow.

My younger siblings were quite upset, and so they quickly dispersed to dig a grave, make a cross, and have the proper ceremony.

As my father and I watched, the three began discussing who would say the prayer. Finally, my five-year-old sister was chosen because she had had the most Sunday school experience.

The three of them knelt by the grave, hands clasped and eyes shut, as my little sister began, "God is great. God is good. Let us thank Him for our food."

TO SUBMIT HUMOR

Send us a short note about your humorous experiences in Arizona, and we'll pay $75 for each one we publish.

We're looking for short stories, no more than 200 words, that deal with Arizona topics and have a humorous punch line.

Send them to Humor, Arizona Highways, 2039 W. Lewis Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85009. Please enclose your name, address, and telephone number with each submission.

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