Arizona Humor

ARIZONA HUMOR Good Night's Sleep

After hiking to Phantom Ranch at the bottom of the Grand Canyon, I looked forward to a well-deserved sleep in the men's bunkhouse. But instead of a peaceful rest, I was bombarded with a full orchestra of snoring from the other men. One man in particular had an ear-piercing snore that made me cringe. I could not sleep. Finally, at about 3 A.M., totally frustrated, I threw a handful of coins at the main offender and woke up the entire room except for him. Soon everyone but me was back to sleep. I threw more coins a half hour later, but he continued to sleep. Then at 4:45 A.M., the breakfast bell clanged and everyone began to get up, even the great snorer. Suddenly, he found coins scattered over his bed. "Hey, everybody," he said, "it looks like the tooth fairy paid me a visit last night."

A Little Lamb

Before we moved to Arizona, we came for a quick visit. First, we went to a ranch. At the ranch my four-year-old sister decided she wanted a lamb for her next birthday. I told her, "No, when it grows up it will be ugly." "So," she said, "I just won't give it any birthdays."

Mouths of Babes

Quite a few years ago when we still had four small girls at home, a little neighbor boy (an only child) often came over to play. One day, as I worked in the kitchen, I heard him ask my girls, "What would you do if your mom had any more kids?"

"Oh," our oldest daughter replied, "we can't have any more." Because this was news to me, I stepped to the door and listened carefully. She reasoned, "We don't have any more holes in the toothbrush holder."

Very Big Lake

I teach English in a remote West African village and was eager to show my students pictures of our houseboating vacation on Lake Powell in northern Arizona. Trying to impress on them the size of this great lake, I explained it took a whole week to go from one end to the other. The expressions of awe on their faces were gratifying until Kofi asked, "Madame, do they not have motors in America?"

The Shape of States

By the time our daughter was Nine, she had developed an interest in geography. She had done her wooden USA puzzle so many times, she was very familiar with the shape of each state and knew most of the capitals. It came as no surprise, then, that while visiting Tonto National Monument with her grandparents, she picked up a small irregularly shaped stone and handed it to her grandpa. "Look, Grandpa, it's Arkansas." "That's because," Grandpa said, "it's a little rock."

TO SUBMIT HUMOR

Send us a short note about your humorous experiences in Arizona, and we'll pay $75 for each one we publish. We're looking for short stories, no more than 200 words, that deal with Arizona topics and have a humorous punch line. Send them to Humor, Arizona Highways, 2039 W. Lewis Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85009. Please enclose your name, address, and telephone number with each submission. We'll notify those whose stories we intend to publish, but we cannot acknowledge or return unused submissions.

Feed 'Em First

One of my college students shared this memory. When she was five, her parents went away on a day trip, and left her in the custody of her 13-yearold brother. "I was planning to go fishing," he reminded his parents. "I guess I'll just take her with me." When their parents returned home, the boy greeted them heatedly: "There is no way I am ever taking her fishing again." "Now, John," they reasoned, "she's just a little girl-bound to be noisy and restless . . ." "That's not it," he interrupted. "She ate the bait."

Small Fare

I was waiting in line at an airline ticket counter at Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport when a small boy, who was with his mother, told the agent that he was two years old. The agent looked at the boy suspiciously and asked, "Do you know what happens to little boys who lie?" "Yes," he smiled. "They get to fly at half price."