Wit Stop

WIT STOP A Yuletide Adventure: Rocking Horse Blues

The perfect Christmas gift is an excellent example of a win-win situation. It brings joy to both the gift-giver and receiver. Of course, it's not often that you find the ideal gift for someone, so when you do, capitalize on it.

Several Decembers ago, my wife and I took our son, who was between two and three years old at the time, to visit Santa Claus at some department store. While there, our son saw a rocking horse. His eyes widened, his mouth opened, and his whole little face seemed to say, "Someday that will belong to me. I don't know how and I don't know when, but someday I will own that gorgeous horse."

His mom and dad sure knew when. The rocking horse would be the centerpiece of the huge pile of gifts waiting beneath the tree when our son opened his eyes on Christmas morning.

And Mom and Dad knew how. We simply paid the $28.95 asking price, which was a little bit over our Christmas shopping budget, but for such a superb gift worth every penny.

We brought the package home with us and hid it in the garage until our son fell asleep on Christmas Eve.

As I carried the box from the garage to the living room, the ominous warning on the side of the carton taunted me: "Some Assembly Required." That's a euphemism for "I hope you've got about six hours and 20 quarts of sweat to spare."

The side-of-the-box admonnition is especially threatening to me for three reasons: (1) I'm among the handyman-impaired. I once blew all the fuses in our house while fixing a leaking toilet. Don't ask me how. Neither the plumber nor the electrician we called later could explain it.

(2) I have acquired, over the years, a box full of the wrong tools.

(3) My lifetime of experience has shown that when "Hole A" is supposed to line up with "Hole B," it never does. There's usually a tiny slip of paper in the box that says "Inspected by #5." Well, #5 must be the factory owner's son because he's doing a shoddy inspecting job. None of this mattered, though, because when I opened the box, I saw there were no springs. Even the handyman-impaired know that a spring-mounted rocking horse needs springs.

I rushed back to the store while it was still open. The clerk said, "Would you like to select something else?"

"No, I want another rocking horse." It was the perfect gift.

"No problem. I can get you one in about four to six weeks."

It was a problem. That would be four to six weeks too late.

I got a reluctant refund and rushed to another toy store. Fortunately, they had the same horse.

"I'll take that rocking horse," I said.

"That'll be $38.95," the clerk said.

I said, "What? I can get the same horse across the street for $28.95."

He said, "Then why don't you buy it there?"

I said, "They're all out of them."

He said, "When we're all out of them, they're only $22.95."

I said, "I'll take it."

He knew I was desperate. He said, "Yes sir. Now will that $42.95 be cash or charge."

I said, "Cash. And I hope one of the rocking horses that you don't sell rears up and kicks you right in your thieving ribs."

I paid, grabbed my package, and left, saying, "Merry Christmas, and give my best wishes to your uncle, Ebenezer Scrooge." He didn't hear me. He was too busy counting.

At home I still had the daunting task of assembling this plastic critter before my son woke up. It took most of the night. (See reasons 1, 2, and 3.) I guarantee that on Christmas morning the toy stallion looked fresher and brighter than I did.

When my son saw his horse on Christmas morning, though, the money out of my pocket and the calluses on my hands were forgotten. He loved it.

I learned two important lessons from that Christmas adventure: First, always open the carton before the eleventh hour and check the parts against the parts list.

Second, it often doesn't take much to create joy for others in this world. Whenever we get a chance to do it, we should. That's what Christmas is all about.