Arizona Humor

There is something about a d desert sunset that imparts a feeling of expectation. I found that Canyon de Chelly's ancient mystery enhanced this sense of anticipation as I gazed down at the seemingly tranquil scene of a hogan nestled on the canyon floor. The horses and sheep were snuggling in for the long winter night under the burnished copper sky. Quiet was settling in.

With this before me, I waited, my senses open for the enchantment to unfold. Would there be a mule deer with her fawn? Or coyotes on the prowl? Or the call of a great horned owl?

Suddenly, a human sound was heard bouncing off the sheer canyon walls. Was it a Navajo chant, I wondered? But nothing could have prepared me for what I heard as the singer's voice came ringing, echoing and clear.

"Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way."

Holy Recipes

The parish priest at Tombstone's Sacred Heart Church regularly gives a warm and rousing homily. One Sunday, Father William Parenteau fascinated the congregation with a recipe on how everyone could make their own holy water.

"You take a big pot of water," he instructed, "turn up the heat, and then boil the devil out of it."

Greenhorn

A new arrival at a relative's Arizona ranch was sitting atop a range pony bragging about his riding ability. Seconds later, picking himself up off the ground, he exclaimed, "Wow, can that animal buck!"

"Buck?" snorted his Western cousin. "He didn't buck; he coughed."

Sign of the Times

In the window of a cafe on a remote and dusty Arizona road, we spotted a sign that read: Come In and Eat Before We Both Starve to Death.

The Great Flood

While While talking to an Arizona Apache about the weather in Tucson, a visiting New Yorker asked, "Does it ever rain here?"

The native responded, "Mister, do you know the story of Noah and the ark and how it rained 40 days and 40 nights?"

"Sure I do," replied the tourist.

"Well, we got half an inch that time."

Cactus Collectors

Shortly after we moved to Mesa, friends from upstate New York came to visit. Excited ed about the strange and different environment, they bought a traditional souvenir, a cactus bowl, from a local gift shop. Determined to keep their plants in the best of health, they asked for instructions about proper care of the cacti and envisioned taking it home to show off to snowbound friends.

"A real live touch of the desert," they exclaimed to one another again and again.

They toiled over their new treasure, buying and adding potting soil and cactus fertilizer. They carefully watered it (just a little) as the gift shop owner had advised.

Before heading east with it, they sought last-minute professional advice regarding transportation.

"How should we pack it to carry it 3,000 miles?" asked one.

"Will it freeze on the plane?" asked the other.

The nurseryman checked the plants carefully and assured our friends everything would be just fine. "I wouldn't worry at all," he said. "These imitation cactus plants seem to travel just fine."

Emergency Phone

Afterfter a Christmas visit, our two-year-old grandson left his toy cellular phone at our house. It looked so real I put it in my car thinking that a potential interloper would be discouraged if he saw me push "911" on my "car phone."

Sure enough, last week someone stole it. Wouldn't it be great to see the thief's face when he pushes "0" and hears a happy rendition of "The Farmer in the Dell"?

Mistaken Identity

One day while traveling through Oregon, I told my daughter, "This is one of the areas Lewis and Clark explored." Then I asked her if she knew who Lewis and Clark were.

She thought for a moment, then replied enthusiastically, "It's Superman and his girlfriend."

Send us a short note about your humorous experiences in Arizona, and we'll pay $75 for each one we publish.

We're looking for short stories, no more than 200 words, that deal with Arizona topics and have a humorous punch line.

Send them to Humor, Arizona Highways, 2039 W. Lewis Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85009. Please enclose your name, address, and telephone number with each submission. We'll notify those whose stories we intend to publish, but we cannot acknowledge or return unused submissions.