Arizona Humor

ARIZONA HUMOR Who's Cheatin'?

A high stakes poker game was in progress in Tombstone's Alhambra Saloon on Allen Street. The players around the table were a tough, hard-bitten assortment of individuals. The game was fast, and money and chips were piled high in the center of the table. Suddenly the dealer threw the cards at one of the players and went for his pistol shout-ing, "Gypsy Jack is cheatin' us boys! He ain't playin' the cards I dealt him!"

Chew on This

One evening, during a visit to my parents in Tucson, my mom made tamales for dinner. My husband, who had never seen tamales before, began eating heartily, chewing, chewing, and chewing. Finally, my father remarked, "They're easier to eat when you remove the husk."

Literal Translation

I lived in Apache Junction with my daughter, who always told my seven-year-old grand-son to be home before dark. One evening he got caught up playing with a neighbor boy, and he came in after dark. "Couldn't you have looked up at the sun to see it was getting dark?" his mother scolded.

"Well, no, Mother," he responded, wide-eyed. "You told me never to look at the sun because it would hurt my eyes."

Recruiting Specialist

The town of Morenci used to recruit schoolteachers for its schools from across the country. Some came from as far away as New York.

The nearest railhead in Lordsburg, New Mexico, was the logical place for them to gather to make the trek up the mountain to Morenci. Jesus Munoz was usually enlisted to collect the new teachers.

Yet once, after a particularly A well-qualified candidate had been notified by telegram to make the trip to New Mexico, Munoz returned from the train station empty-handed. The telegram had read, "Jesus will meet you at Lordsburg."

The Mind of a Child

On the way home from dropping Grandma off at the airport, Nathan, our inquisitive three year old, asked how she got to fly on the airplane. I explained she used money to buy a ticket, and she gave the ticket to a man who then put her on a plane bound for Tucson. Nathan thought it was a great way to go.

Half an hour later, we passed two cars pulled over by the side of the road one with tell-tale flashing red lights. Nathan wondered why they were stopped, and I answered, "The driver was probably going too fast, and the policeman was giving him a ticket."

"Is he going to Tucson, too?" Nathan asked.

Murder Mystery

My sister, my son's girlfriend, and I were lamenting over Willcox's lack of entertainment, all repeating the phrase, "There's nothing to do here."

Then I asserted that "Willcox was dead," to which my threeyear-old grand-niece replied, "Aunt Lucy, who killed Willcox?"

Conserving Water

Our 14-year-old daughter and 10-year-old son were very respectful of water usage while visiting their grandparents in Mesa after learning of the need to conserve water in the desert.

While on a midafternoon bike ride during July, when the temperature soared well in excess of 100° F., they stopped at the retirement center for a drink. The children thought nothing of the 25-cent charge posted on the machine, and after my daughter put the quarter in, she told my son to be ready to drink so as not to waste anything.

But when she pressed the button, the water came out of the bottom, not the top, so my son stuck his whole head into the machine and let the water pour into his mouth expecting a short drink. Trying his best not to waste any of the water he gulped and gulped, but water was soon spilling out of his mouth, onto his face, and all over everywhere.

Some passersby stopped and watched in amazement, and my daughter began to laugh.

The children finally realized the machine was for one-gallon refillable containers.

TO SUBMIT HUMOR

Send us a short note about your humorous experiences in Arizona, and we'll pay $75 for each one we publish.

We're looking for short stories, no more than 200 words, that deal with Arizona topics and have a humorous punch line.

Send them to Humor, Arizona Highways, 2039 W. Lewis Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85009. Please enclose your name, address, and telephone number with each submission.

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