Arizona Humor

ARIZONA HUMOR Poaching Deer

Peg Leg Pete Peterson of the Payson area did not take kindly to rules and regulations. Pete did odd jobs for a living, but he also was a prospector, miner, wood hauler, moonshiner, and inveterate poacher.

One cold fall afternoon, he illegally shot two deer. Fearing discovery, he quickly dressed them but didn't hang them to finish bleeding. Instead he loaded them onto his wagon, covered them with already cut firewood, and headed for home.

On the way, he encountered a couple of neighbors on horseback. After they stopped for a few minutes of conversation, one of the riders said, "Well, Pete, we won't keep you any longer, or that load of wood's gonna bleed to death before you get it home."

Logical Solution

We were traveling in our motor home to Phoenix with our three children, ages eight, four, and three. Our fouryear-old son found a three-inch screw and put it into his mouth and swallowed it.

Panicked, we rushed him to the nearest hospital, where he was examined. The doctor said rather than opting for surgery, we should return to the hospital every day for X-rays and just wait for the screw to pass normally through our son's body.

As we left the hospital, our son looked up at us and asked, "Wouldn't it be cheaper to just buy another screw?"

Log Ride

My friend Dean and I were fishing the Colorado River outside Yuma when a log covered with ants drifted by. Dean watched it for a moment and said, "Doesn't that log kinda remind you of Congress?"

"How so?" I asked.

"Just look. There must be a million ants on that log, and every one of them thinks he's steering it."

Jack of All Trades

My mother works in the medical field and often must call others in the profession she doesn't know. Once she had to call the coroner in a small Arizona town. She had no idea he also was the town mechanic and used the same telephone number for both services. Expecting a hospital receptionist, imagine her surprise when a gruff voice said, "Mike's Body Shop, how can I help you?"

Arizona Etiquette

Following 1-10 to the West Coast one year, we stopped just outside Tucson for gas. As I waited in the car, I admired a deliveryman as he opened the side of his truck, whipped out a label gun, and quickly and efficiently put a price tag on all the bottles he was delivering there.

But in my teacherly way, I felt I must admonish the young man when he tore the strip of backing paper from his label gun and threw it on the ground.

"Young man," I called to him from the car. "Didn't your mother teach you not to litter?"

The man turned, looked me over with a smile, and said, "Lady, didn't your mother teach you not to talk to strange men?"

Tall Tales

On my last trip to Tucson, I went into a coffee shop for lunch and overheard two rather raucous individuals extolling the size of Arizona's citrus.

"Why, I once saw an orange so big it took two men to carry it," proclaimed one straightfaced man.

We soon engaged in conversation, and I told them I was a tourist from Florida. One man asked what I did for a living, and I told him I work in a tumbler factory. Then it was my turn to brag a little: "Some of the glasses we make are so big they won't even fit through the door."

My new friends wanted to know who would want a glass that big, and I told them we make them that big to hold all the juice from Arizona oranges.

Bank Account

I don't get it. I opened a bank account with $5,000, and the bank gave me a stuffed bank mascot. Then, several weeks later, I needed to borrow $5,000, and when they asked for collateral I gave them the same stuffed toy. Apparently, this time it didn't have the same value.

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