Perkinsville Road

ARIZONA HUMOR

Recently, our kids came from Texas to visit us in Mesa, and they brought our four-year-old granddaughter, whom we hadn't seen since she was a baby. I hugged and cuddled her, exclaiming, "You are so cute! And you have the tiniest face I have ever seen." She looked up curiously. "How about a snake's face, Granddad?" she asked.

Lovel L. Rogers Mesa Last May I mounted my trusty Harley for an annual trek through the scenic territories of Arizona. As I traveled State Route 264 toward Tuba City, the rear of my bike began to sway, and I was soon broken down on the shoulder of the road. It wasn't long before a Navajo Nation police car stopped, and a tow truck was summoned from Flagstaff (more than 150 miles away). I waited in lonely isolation near the shimmering blacktop as the sun beat down on me, and the desert stretched for miles all around.

After what seemed an eter-nity, the tow truck appeared on the horizon, and within a few minutes the driver was backing up to my crippled steed. Grinning, I called out, "Nothin' like being stranded in the middle of nowhere!" Straight-faced he replied, "Heck, this ain't the middle of nowhere. I passed through there a couple of miles back."

Kevin R. Mussack East Bloomfield, NY In the 1980s, the media in Arizona were reporting an economic recession in the East. One day Wes Hunter of Apache Junction said to a shorts-clad tourist as he climbed out of a car with New Jersey plates, "Well, things really must be tough back East. I see you even lost your pants."

Bud Brown Prescott Wickenburg prides itself on being the ultimate Western town, situated as it is in ranch country. At the Wickenburg post office, one can almost always see pickups or vans with ranch names emblazoned on the doors and tailgates, such as Bar X and 2 Bar C. One day, parked in a prominent place in front of the post office, I saw a rather beat-up white pickup with the following hand-lettered sign on each door: I HAVENO RANCH.

Barbara Binney Wickenburg While driving along a country road near Buckeye one day, I accidentally ran over a rooster that tried to cross in front of me. I pulled over and walked back to where the farmer was plowing in a field. "I'm sorry-I just ran over your rooster," I told him. "I'm willing to replace him." "Fine," answered the farmer. "Let's hear you crow."

Thomas LaMance Prewitt, NM The owner of the Arizona Dude ranch was delighted with the response to his first international ad. But his delight turned to confusion when thefirst group of 20 tourists arrived from Germany with expectant smiles but no luggage. Things began to make sense when one guest produced a copy of the ad, which read: "Ride the herd, learn to rope 'em tight. The Wild West is sprawled at your feet when you vacation at the Three Bar Nude Ranch."

Sheila Roe Scottsdale In an elementary school near Tucson, a teacher was teaching her second grade class about Abraham Lincoln. To reinforce the lesson, the teacher asked her students what they would do if they were president. One little boy who was learning English as a second language proudly announced that if he were president, "I'd undress the nation every day.

Send us a short note about your humorous experiences in Arizona, and we'll pay $75 for each one we publish. We're looking for short stories, no more than 200 words, that deal with Arizona topics and have a humorous punch line. Send them to Humor, Arizona Highways, 2039 W. Lewis Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85009. Please enclose your name, address, and telephone number with each submission. We'll notify those whose stories we intend to publish, but we cannot acknowledge or return unused submissions.

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