Arizona Humor

BY: Diane Fenlon,Marj Sherman,Susan Hoyt,Thomas M. Smith,Arlan Lewis,Donald Radina

ARIZONA HUMOR Strange Ways

My grandmother, who lived in Tucson, would go out on the front porch and yell, "Praise the Lord!" Her next door neighbor would shout back, "There ain't no God!" During those days, my grandmother was very poor, so the neighbor decided to prove his point by buying a large bag of groceries and placing it at her door. The next morning, Grandmother went to the porch and, seeing the groceries, said, "Praise the Lord." The neighbor then stepped out from behind a tree and said, "I bought those groceries, and there ain't no God."

Grandmother replied, "Lord, you not only sent me food but you made the devil pay for it."

Arlan Lewis Vallejo, CA

Oasis

My wife and I were part of a group hiking in the Superstition Mountains. When we reached a water hole, our guide carefully made an opening in the greenish scum and scooped up water for us to drink. He offered a drink to my wife, but she, being a fastidious woman, took one look at the appearance of the water hole and refused it.

"Will the water be different at the next hole?" she asked.

"No, ma'am," the guide replied. "But you will."

Thomas M. Smith Pocatello, ID

Room Service

I worked the night shift at a Chicago airport hotel back in the 1960s. One evening a distinguished gentleman with glasses came in and asked for a room. His flight had been cancelled, and the airline sent him to our hotel to rest before his rescheduled flight some five hours later. He was quite calm despite the fact that it was 3 A.M. and snowing heavily outside. I gave him a key and bid him good night. However, he came back a few minutes later and handedme the key. Graciously, he said, "Miss, I really would like a room of my own."

Red-faced with embarrassment, I realized I'd sent Barry Goldwater to a room already occupied by a honeymooning couple.

Diane Fenlon Tucson

Silent Stage

Last Christmas I took my sixyear-old daughter to see her first ballet, The Nutcracker, at the Chandler Center for the Arts. At the end of the first scene, in which a festive Christmas party takes place, I asked her how she was enjoying the performance. She was obviously thrilled, and replied, "Mommy, it's wonderful. But why is everyone so shy? No one's said a word yet."

Susan Ricq Mesa

Mountain Time

My husband and I recently completed a second home in Pinetop. On one of our many summer trips back to Phoenix along State Route 260 near Heber, we were stopped by a Navajo County patrolman. After checking out our iden-tification and insurance, he asked how we liked the White Mountains. We extoled the area's many virtues, and he listened for several minutes. Then, handing me a ticket, he nonchalantly said, "Well, if you like it up here so much, why are you in such a doggone hurry to leave?"

Marj Sherman Phoenix

Going Up

As the owner of a gift shop in Sedona, I am generally not surprised by questions visitors ask. But one day a tourist approached me and asked, "What is the elevation of Sedona?" "About 4,500 feet," I replied. "Does it go up much during the tourist season?" he asked. "No, it stays pretty much the same," I said.

Don Corsette Sedona

Confusing

When we visit my motherin-law in Phoenix, it is not always easy to communicate because she speaks mostly Spanish. I once sent my young son Aaron into the house to get the car keys. Every time he told her, "Nana, I need the keys," she gave him a peck on the cheek.Donald Radina Pomona, KS

TO SUBMIT HUMOR

Send us a short note about your humorous experiences in Arizona, and we'll pay $75 for each one we publish. We're looking for short stories, no more than 200 words, that deal with Arizona topics and have a humorous punch line. Send them to Humor, Arizona Highways, 2039 W. Lewis Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85009. Please enclose your name, address, and telephone number with each submission. We'll notify those whose stories we intend to publish, but we cannot acknowledge or return unused submissions.

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