Arizona Humor

ARIZONA HUMOR Always Drink Upstream from the Herd RANCH HAND

My brother-in-law, who owned a small ranch, sometimes fed his cattle silage from an old low-geared four-wheel-drive pickup. He'd put the truck in "granny-low" and turn it loose to creep across the ground while he walked behind, shoveling silage from the bed. His large, shaggy dog sat in the cab, behind the wheel.

Another rancher came upon this scene and watched for a while from the cab of his own truck. Finally he pulled alongside my brother-in-law and said, "Duke, why don't you teach the dog to shovel feed, and you drive the truck?"

James E. Cook Phoenix

LI'L CUSS

Some years ago, we owned a busy cafe in the White Mountains. We had three children, and during the lunch rush I'd put the baby, David, in a high chair, so I could feed him, and he could watch the customers.

One day I was rushing from the kitchen to the dining room, pausing only long enough to pop bites into the baby's mouth. Chester, an old cowboy, took the spoon from me, sat down in front of David, and started feeding him.

After that Chester came in daily to feed and talk to David. The baby had never said one word, not even Mama or Dada, so one day I asked Chester what they talked about.

"Well," said Chester, "David's got all the earmarks of a good cowboy. He's bowlegged as all getup, and his ears stick out far enough so a hat'll sit on his head. I figger all I gotta do is learn him to cuss."

Ruth G. Kessel Sedona

MULE TROUBLE

During a grueling trudge up the South Kaibab Trail in the Grand Canyon, I was overtaken by a mule train carrying nervous passengers toward the Rim. I moved to the inside of the trail so the animals could pass, their human cargo clinging tightly as they rode perilously close to the edge of the gorge.

I jokingly offered $10 to any rider willing to take my backpack out on his mount. One rider with a distinct New York accent replied gravely, "Son, I'll give YOU $50 to take this mule, and I'll carry your pack."

Timothy Magill Tucson

THOROUGHLY EXAMINED

I went to Arizona to visit a horse-loving friend. As we drove away from the airport, I mentioned I'd been very ill several months before and felt like I'd aged 10 years.

"You look the same as always to me," he replied.

"Not on closer examination, I'm afraid," I said, shaking my head sadly.

"Well," he answered, "I have not looked in your mouth yet."

Rachel Bradley Tallahassee, FL

LONGTIME RESIDENTS

My business received an application for credit, and I began the usual process of reviewing it. One of the questions on the form asks how long the firm has been in business, and this time I did a double take at the answer: 900 years.

Then I glanced up at the name of the business and chuckled. It read "Hualapai Indian Tribe."

Donna Olson Phoenix

SPLITTING THE BLANKET

Several years ago, the marriage of two desert rats who had gotten together for a brief time fizzled and fell apart. The woman put the following separation announcement in the newspaper: "My husband and I are living apart, so that we each can get a new start. Please send the bills (what e're they be) his to him and mine to me."

Ruth Burke Columbus, OH

TO SUBMIT HUMOR

Send us a short note about your humorous experiences in Arizona, and we'll pay $75 for each one we publish.

We need short stories, no more than 200 words, that deal with Arizona topics and have a humorous punch line. Send them to Humor, Arizona Highways, 2039 W. Lewis Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85009. Please enclose your name, address, and telephone number with each submission.

We'll notify those whose stories we intend to publish, but we cannot acknowledge or return unused submissions.