Wit Stop

A Neighborly Encounter of the Coyote Kind

My wife and I recently moved into a new house. It's modestly sized but large enough for each of us to have our privacy. The neighborhood is clean and safe, and the people in the community are friendly. Our property is small, but the house is nestled up against foothills, so from our backyard we enjoy a beautiful panorama of shrubbery and brush, and quail and roadrunners darting around. It's the ideal house. Well, it's almost the ideal house. We have some noisy neighbors. They're noisy at the most annoying hours sometimes at 1 or 2 o'clock in the morning.

The other morning, at about 2 A.M., their clamor woke my wife and almost woke me. "This is ridiculous," she said. I mumbled something and rolled over.

"It's got to stop," she said. I mumbled again and rolled back to where I was before.

"Go talk to them," she said. I said, "It's 2 o'clock in the morning."

"That's why you have to talk to them. People are supposed to sleep at this time."

"I'll talk to them tomorrow." "Now," she said. "Tomorrow we'll forget about it; we'll be forgiving. Talk to them now."

I got up, threw on a shirt and slacks, slipped into my shoes one should be dressed properly to go raise hell with the neighbors about the hell they're raising and marched up the hill.

There they were, the whole family, openly and boldly yipping, yapping, yelping, barking, howling. You see, they were a family of coyotes.

I said to them, "Hey, folks. What do you say you hold itdown a bit? You know, there are people around here who are trying to sleep."

One of them, I suppose the head of the household, said, "What's your problem?"

You see, it was a family of talking coyotes.

I said, "You and your friends are making a lot of noise."

"We do that," he said. "We're coyotes. We're a very expressive and exuberant type of animal."

I said, "All this ruckus is disturbing the neighborhood."

He said, "I remember one day not too long ago when we were trying to sleep, and you had a bunch of people in your backyard who were very vociferous, too.

They were a family of talking coyotes with sophisticated vocabularies.

I said, "That was the Fourth of July."

"So what?"

"So, it's a celebration. We eat outside, and we have fun."

He said, "Big deal. Coyotes eat outside all the time, and we have fun when we're doing it. That's why we make so much noise."

I said, "Well, you're ruining a very lovely neighborhood."

He said, "Whoa. Hold it right there. This was a lovely neighborhood before you moved in."

I said, "You're kidding. This was nothing but vacant fields."

"To a coyote," he said, "that's a lovely neighborhood."

I said, "I'm sorry, but we're here now, and we need our sleep. Cut the noise."

He said, "We were here first."

I said, "Big deal."

He said, "You ruined our lovely neighborhood. In fact, you know where your house stands?"

I said, "Of course."

He said, "That's where my wife and I spent our honey-moon."

I said, "Well, you know, times change. That's progress."

He said, "What do coyotes need with progress? We need food. We need a place to roam, to raise our pups."

"We do, too," I said. "That's why we expand, build more houses."

He said, "Well, we're not expanding. That's why we're going to yip, yap, yelp, bark, howl, and do whatever we like for as long as we can."

I said, "Oh, you will, huh? We'll just see about that. We paid a lot of money for that house, and you're ruining it for us."

He said, "For us this land was free, and you're ruining it for us by building your expensive houses."

I said, "And you and yours should stay away from those houses. You don't belong down there. You come very close to our back fence and you scare the family dog."

He didn't care for that admonition.

He said, "First of all, we got along very well for a long time without any fences to go near. Second of all, when you come out of the house in the morning in that ratty bathrobe of yours and those funny looking fur-lined slippers, you scare our coyote pups."

When I got back in my bedroom my wife asked, "Did you talk to them?"

"Yes, I did."

"Are they going to stop making noise?"

"No," I said.

"Boy," she said, "some people are just so inconsiderate."

"It's funny," I said. "That's the last thing the coyote said to me before I left."

GO AHEAD, GO WILD! DESERT WILDFLOWERS NOTE BLOCK

Our scenic note block adds charm to any desk or kitchen counter with a colorful reproduction printed on all four sides. 3½" square. 715 sheets. #NBFL5 $7.50

SPRING IN THE DESERT PUZZLE

Blooming owl clover blankets a desert hillside in Organ Pipe Cactus National Monument. 18" (h) by 24" (w). #NPDW5 $10.95

DESERT WILDFLOWERS

Third edition. More than 60 species of Arizona's unusual desert wildflowers are represented in this full-color, information-filled collection. You'll discover when and where to find each colorful variety and learn how to grow them in your home garden. 112 pages. Softcover. #AZFS4 $9.95 TO ORDER: Use the attached card or call toll-free nationwide, 1-800-543-5432. In the Phoenix area or outside the U.S., call 602-258-1000. Or fax to 602-254-4505. Visit us at http://www.arizhwys.com/ to order online. (Photograph by Dick Dietrich)

PRESSED WILDFLOWERS NOTE CARDS

A pressed flower is a treasured memory ... what better messenger for your greetings to dear friends than these note cards. Featured are Werner Iten's photographs of pressed mariposa lilies, sego lilies, and blue flax. Each box contains two images on 12 cards, and 13 envelopes. Blank inside. Manufactured on recycled paper. #NOTS6 $5.95