Arizona Humor

ARIZONA HUMOR It Don't Take a Genius to Spot a Goat in a Flock of Sheep PENNY-PINCHING

During the Great Depression, my grandparents lived in isolation on their ranch in the northern Arizona mountains. The only news of the outside world they received came to them via their DC radio, which was powered by A, B, and C batteries. Considering the radio a luxury item, my grandparents invested in only one set of bat-teries each fall. A townsman asked my grandfather one day why they didn't stock up on enough batteries to carry them through the winter.

"Well sir," Granddad replied, "we can't afford to hear about what the rest of the country can't afford."

THE DARNDEST THING

Once, when one of my neighbors was away on vacation, another neighbor's dog snuck into the absent man's backyard. A few minutes later,

Some Lesser-known Wonders in

the dog returned to its owner with the neighbor's pet rabbit in its mouth. It was dead.

After a great deal of thought, the dog's owner decided to clean up the rabbit and put it back in its cage as though it died of natural causes.

When the man returned from vacation, his guilty neighbor asked how he liked his trip.

"I liked it fine, thank you," he replied. "But the darndest thing happened while I was gone," he continued, looking puzzled. "Just before I left on vacation, my rabbit died, and I buried it in the backyard. Yet when I came home yesterday, it was back in its cage."

FOREIGN LANGUAGE

Last summer my cousin and his friend, who attend a Canadian college, took a motor tour of the U.S. The sweaters they wore, bearing their school's Latin motto, aroused some curiosity among the people they met. The shirts read: Timor Dei Principum Sapientiae, which means "The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom."

In a cafe in Holbrook, one waitress asked them, "Where are y'all from?"

"Canada," they answered.

"Oh," she said, "I was wondering what language that was."

ANOTHER HOW-TO BOOK

I'm writing a new book called Recovering Perfectionist. It comes complete with a 181step plan.

BARE EXPLANATION

In the late 1930s, my aunt Iwas getting ready to take a cool bath on a hot summer day in Phoenix. She had just removed her clothes when she remembered she was supposed to put a sign in her front window to let the delivery man know she wanted a block of ice that day.

and realized it was the man who had come to read the meter, which was located in the kitchen pantry.

As he opened the pantry door, the startled meter reader exclaimed, "Miss Alice! What are you doing in here?"

"Waiting for the iceman," she replied.

HEARD 'ROUND THE WORLD

Our oldest daughter moved from Sweden to Phoenix while her husband attended Arizona State University. Occasionally she sent us a tape recording of radio station KNIX, knowing that I am a country music fan.

A couple of years ago, a friend of theirs visited us in Sweden. One day as we drove around Stockholm, I popped in one of the tapes and suddenly we heard: "Get a sticker and stick around. This is your station KNIX with another three back-to-back... Merle Haggard... Johnny Cash Waylon Jennings."

Just as she dashed to the front window to put up the sign, she heard a knock at the front door. Not wanting to be seen, she jumped into the kitchen pantry. Standing there in the dark, she heard the front door open From the backseat came our visitor's rather dry comment, "That's quite an antenna you've got."

TO SUBMIT HUMOR

Send us a short note about your humorous experiences in Arizona, and we'll pay $75 for each one we publish.

We need short stories, no more than 200 words, that deal with Arizona topics and have a humorous punch line. Send them to Humor, Arizona Highways, 2039 W. Lewis Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85009. Please enclose your name, address, and telephone number with each submission.

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The column headline is from Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On! by Texas Bix Bender and published by Gibbs Smith, Publisher, P.O. Box 667, Layton, UT 84041. To purchase a copy, call toll-free (800) 543-5432.