Wit Stop

Me and the O.K. Corral Shoot-out

The most famous gunfight in the history of the Old West lasted only 30 seconds. That's what Wyatt Earp said, anyway. Other witnesses said it was over in 20 seconds. Some claimed 15.

In a historic sense, though, it will last forever. The O.K. Corral gunfight in the town of Tombstone happened on October 26, 1881. To this day, in Tombstone, tourists can still see a reenactment of the famous shoot-out.

On that Wednesday in 1881, five cowboys - Ike and Billy Clanton, Billy Claiborne, and Frank and Tom McLowery challenged the Earp brothers to a showdown.

Virgil Earp, the marshal of Tombstone, and his two brothers, Wyatt and Morgan, both deputy marshals, responded fearlessly.

Thirty-four shots were fired in the shoot-out, 17 by each side. The Earps scored 13 hits. The rustlers only three. When the shooting stopped, and the smoke and dust floated away, Frank and Tom McLowery and Billy Clanton lay dead. Ike Clanton and Billy Claiborne had scurried away, frightened and defeated. Ike Clanton, the supposed instigator of the confrontation, never fired a shot.

Morgan Earp was wounded in the shoulder, Virgil in the leg. The only damage Wyatt Earp sustained was a tear in his coat where a bullet ripped through the cloth. Doc Holliday had a superficial wound to his hip.

Doc Holliday?

How did he get into the skirmish? I thought this was a vendetta against the Earp boys. Well, it was, but you see, Doc Holliday - dentist-gambler-gunfighter-was Wyatt Earp's best friend. Therefore, he had to join the shoot-out.

That's one great "therefore."

I have many good friends in this world, but very few I would join a gunfight for. Frankly I'm the kind who would try to weasel out of driv-ing a friend to the airport. You know if I'm going to tell a good buddy to lug his own luggage and take the airport shuttle, I'm not about to load a shotgun and walk defiantly with him down Fremont Street in Tomb-stone to face a band of ruthless desperados.

I commend Doc. I admire him. But if I had been Wyatt Earp's best buddy back in '81, things would have gone down a little differently: "We've been backed into a corner," my good friend Wyatt Earp says to me. "We didn't want a showdown, but we've got no choice. My brothers and I are going to have to shoot it out with Ike Clanton and his cronies."

"And?" I say.

"And we want you to join us," Wyatt says.

"I see. Just when is this shoot-out scheduled?"

Wyatt says, "They're waiting for us right now."

"Doggone," I say. "I wish I had known sooner."

"What are you talking about?" Wyatt asks.

"Well, Wyatt, you know I'm a dentist. That's how I make my living. And I'm scheduled to attend a laughing-gas seminar this afternoon. I've already paid my tuition fee and everything."

"Doc, we need you," Wyatt says.

"But it's nonrefundable," I say.

Wyatt says, "Doc, don't kid me. You haven't practiced dentistry in years."

"Well, I know. That's exactly why I need to attend this laugh-ing-gas seminar. Brush up on the old techniques, you know?"

Wyatt says, "We can wait for you."

I say, "Oh, I wouldn't want to inconvenience you. The worst part about a gunfight is the standing around waiting for it to start. No, you boys just go on without me."

"We'll wait," Wyatt says.

"But I have some shopping to do right after the seminar," I say. "I have to get some new magazines for the waiting room."

Wyatt's not buying it. He says, "Doc, these are ruthless, cold-blooded gunslingers. We need your shotgun to back us up."

"Well, now, there's another problem, Wyatt. My shotgun is in the shop. It's been acting up lately, and I figured what better time to take it in for repairs than while I'm away at this laughing-gas seminar."

Wyatt says, "We have an extra shotgun you can use."

"Well, Wyatt, you know my philosophy: Neither a borrower nor a lender be."

"You're not going to stand with us, are you, Doc?"

I have to be honest. "No, Wyatt," I say, "I'm not. You're my very best friend in the whole wide world. I'd do anything for you, you know that, but shooting with real bullets is kind of out of my league. Now if you want to go to a show some night or have a few drinks, talk over some problems, call me. I'll be happy to join you."

Wyatt says, "Well, we can't do it without you, Doc. If you're not going to be there with us, my brothers and I have to get out of town. There's a stage leaving at noon. If we get to the stage station before the Clantons get wind of it, we might just be able to get safely out of Tombstone. Can you get us there, Doc?" "Aw, jeez, Wyatt," I say, "can't you catch the shuttle?"