Arizona Humor

ARIZONA HUMOR Good Judgment Comes from Experience, and a Lot of That Comes from Bad Judgment JOKER

While visiting Whiskey Row in Prescott, a friend and I overheard two cowboys talking. After the chatter stopped, one cowboy said, "By the way, have you heard the latest joke about Texas?"

The other held up his hand and said, "Before you start, I want you to know that I'm from Texas."

"That's okay, buddy," answered the first. "I'll talk real slowly."

BURNT OFFERINGS

My dad ran an outfitting business and hunting camp in the Prescott area. He loved to tell us how, on the first morning out, he would get up early, build the fire, and make breakfast. Except, he burned everything to a crisp. After a long day of riding, he would "volunteer" to get up and make breakfast again.

"It never failed," he said. "I wouldn't have to cook the rest of the trip."

SHARE AND SHARE ALIKE

Recently, a home economist arrived in Thatcher to put on a cooking show at Eastern Arizona College. New to the area, she was unaccustomed to the mellow ways of local farmers.

Before her demonstration, she visited a nearby department store for some needed supplies, including a candy bar (to substitute stitute for the dinner she would not have time to eat). Afterward she walked to the snack bar and bought a soft drink.

Spying an empty seat next to a man wearing a cowboy hat, she asked if she could share his table. He nodded, so she sat down, picked up the candy bar, broke off a piece, and ate it. To her astonishment, the man did the same. Not knowKnowing or just plain rude, she chose not to make a scene. After she broke off another piece, the man picked up the rest of the candy bar and ate it. Neither one spoke a word.

The woman grabbed her purchases and dashed to her car. Placing the bag next to her, she noticed in horror that her candy bar was still in there, wrapped.

A LITTLE SECRET

Like many Arizonans, my husband and I were trying to conserve water by creating a desert landscape around our new home. As I moved rocks around, trying to find the most pleasing arrangement, my fouryear-old granddaughter happened upon the scene.

"What are you doing, Grandma?" she asked.

"I'm making a rock garden," I replied wearily.

My granddaughter stared at me incredulously as she said, "I'm sorry to tell you this, Grandma, but rocks don't grow."

Thinking if the chap was unbalanced

ANATOMY EXAM

When I took courses in anatomy and physiology at Arizona Western College in Yuma, I studied very hard to get the "B" I finally made. I used a Gray's Anatomy reprinted from a turn-of-the-century edition.

Anxious to do well on my test, I asked a friend in medicine if he thought the old edition was up-to-date enough for me to get a thorough knowledge of anatomy. "It ought to be good enough," he replied. "There haven't been any parts added to the human body since it was published."

BATTLEFIELD VISIT

While my husband and I vacationed at the Grand Canyon, our five-year-old son, Kevin, stayed with his grandmother. Noticing Kevin seemed quite pensive one day, Gram asked him if something was wrong.

Apparently Kevin's recent trip to the Gettysburg Battlefield was still fresh in his mind, as he replied nervously, "I hope Mom and Dad are all right with that war going on."

Confused, Gram asked him to explain.

"Well," Kevin replied, "with all those big Grand Cannons being fired, someone might just get killed."

TO SUBMIT HUMOR

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We need short stories, no more than 200 words, that deal with Arizona topics and have a humorous punch line. Send them to Humor, Arizona Highways, 2039 W. Lewis Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85009. Please enclose your name, address, and telephone number with each submission.

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The column headline is from Don't Squat With Yer Spurs On! by Texas Bix Bender and published by Gibbs Smith, Publisher, P.O. Box 667, Layton, UT 84041. To purchase a copy, call toll-free (800) 543-5432.