Arizona Humor

ARIZONA HUMOR Generally Speakin' Fancy Titles and Nightshirts Are a Waste of Time NOSE FOR NEWS

Several years back while touring-ning small towns in Arizona, we stopped in Benson, population less than 5,000. After being introduced to the editor of the San Pedro Valley News, Benson's weekly newspaper, I asked how he could maintain circulation in a town so small everyone already knew what everyone else was doing. With a smile, the editor re-sponded, "They know what everyone's doing all right. But they read the paper to see who's been caught at it."

UNDEVELOPED MEMORIES

An eight-year-old lad from Columbus, Ohio, came to visit our family for a few weeks one summer, so my wife and I decided to treat him to a week-end camping trip at the Grand Canyon.

Chad, our guest, was awed by the sight and quickly used up the remaining film in his camera. My wife noticed that he then tossed his camera into the nearest trash container.

"Chad," she asked, "why did you throw out your camera?"

"It's the disposable kind," he explained.

MISSED STOP

A New Yorker traveling to Tucson by train was concerned he might oversleep and miss his stop. So he instructed a porter to wake him when they reached Tucson, explaining he was a very heavy sleeper. The porter assured the New Yorker he would wake him in plenty of time.

At midmorning the traveler awoke to find the train pulling into Yuma, some 200 miles past Tucson. Enraged, he found the porter and scolded the man for not waking him. As the New Yorker stormed off, a con-ductor who witnessed the tongue-lashing approached the porter. "Boy, he sure was mad at you."

"Yeah," sighed the porter, "but not nearly as mad as the fella I put off the train at Tucson this morning."

EYE OF THE BEHOLDER

Upon retirement my Aunt Pat and Uncle Bill designed and built a lovely home in Prescott. They were especially proud of the screened deck, which afforded a breathtaking view of Thumb Butte, the town's most famous landmark.

Soon after they moved in, a Missouri farmer visited them. As soon as their houseguest had unpacked, my aunt and uncle took him to the beloved deck for coffee.

Aunt Pat asked the flatlander, "What do you think of the view?"

He studied the scene for a moment, then said, "Pretty good, except for that mountain. With that danged thing in the way, you can't see anything."

BIG WORDS

My four-year-old daughter, Kelsey, boasts a vocabulary well beyond her age, and she often experiments with big words to the delight and amusement of us all. But recently she had trouble with one.

Kelsey could not decide which dress to wear to my recent graduation from Arizona State University. She tried telling me this, but couldn't spit the big word out. Finally her frustration manifested itself as she sighed and exclaimed, "I just don't know what I'm going to wear to your aggravation!"

ELECTRIC WRANGLER

While watching a horse show at a stable near Tucson, I asked a young woman who limped up beside me how she got hurt.

Her reply was this advice: "Never use a Dust Buster to groom a horse."

TO SUBMIT HUMOR

Send us a short note about your humorous experiences in Arizona, and we'll pay $75 for each one we publish.

We need short stories, no more than 200 words, that deal with Arizona topics and have a humorous punch line. Send them to Humor, Arizona Highways, 2039 W. Lewis Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85009. Please enclose your name, address, and telephone number with each submission. We'll notify those whose stories we intend to publish, but we cannot acknowledge or return unused submissions.