Arizona Humor

ARIZONA HUMOR If English saddles don't have horns, how do English riders let you know they want to pass? NO OBJECTIONS

My daughter was married at the old Apacheland Movie Ranch to a wonderful young man named Tom, a co-worker there. The young couple took their vows in the same church as one of Elvis Presley's movie characters.

The pastor began the ceremony as usual, charging any persons objecting to the marriage to “speak now or forever hold your peace.” A scruffy-looking cowboy strode into the church and proclaimed, “Yeah, I object!” Suddenly Tom reached behind the lectern, pulled out a prop gun, and “shot” theintruder. Two other cowboys dragged his “dead” body from the church.

The pastor, bless his soul, never missed a beat.

“Anybody else,” he asked?

FLAG GREETINGS

My second-grade students spent considerable time preparing for a schoolwide holiday performance. The big day arrived, and as we filed onto the stage one student seemed perplexed. Looking at the American flag in the corner and obviously referring to the Pledge of Allegiance, he said, “I know what to say to that one.” Then he pointed toward the Arizona flag in the other corner and said, “But I sure don't know what to say to that one.”

ESSENTIAL STUDIES

Quizzes were a weekly tradition during my studies to become a desert naturalist in Tucson. However the final question one week took us all by surprise. The instructor asked us, “What type of luggage does a vulture take when flying on a commercial airliner?” The lead naturalist was pleased to stump us all, and gave us this answer: “Only carrion.” “She doesn't have any teeth,” they explained.

“Well,” he replied, “can't you take her back and get one that does?”

CITY SLICKERS

A native of Phoenix, I grew up loving the surrounding desert and mountain areas, and I often took people from other parts of the country on tours of the state. I'd heard people say that folks possessed a different mentality if they grew up in a large city, but I never experienced it until I took some visitors from New Jersey out on a spring morning to see the desert outside Phoenix. As they walked among the cactuses and other blooming foliage, one woman suddenly stopped and spoke in a frightened tone, “You know, we should be careful out here. There might be snakes.” Before I could answer, her husband reproached her, saying in a rather disgusted manner, “Don't be ridiculous, Mary. If there were snakes out here, there would be signs.”

ROADRUNNER RIDDLE

Why did the roadrunner run across the Arizona highway, roll in the dirt, and then run back to the other side?

Because he was a dirty double-crosser.

DEFECTIVE BUNDLE

In the early 1960s, my family lived in Hayden. My parents returned one day from a hospital where my mother had given birth to my little sister a few days before. They brought her in and showed her to my little brother, who was sitting on the couch eating potato chips. He offered her one, but my parents were quick to tell him that she couldn't eat chips.

“Why not?” he asked.

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