Arizona Humor

BY: H.W. Werkman, Worth, IL,Robert M. Sassone, Mesa,Eleanor Barnat, Warren, MI,Linda Alberts, Fort Mohave,Barb Burke, Prescott Valley,Vicky Snow

humor:

Wayward Sneeze While visiting our daughter and her family in Arizona, we spent a lot of time with our three-year-old granddaughter. Once, as she played with her friend, the other child sneezed on her. Our granddaughter called out, "Mommy, she got 'bless you' all over me."

Hungry Folks We'd just finished moving into our new house in Mesa, and we were too tired to cook. New to the Southwest, we decided to sample some Mexican food, so my wife took the kids to a fast-food restaurant. Because the kids had never eaten Mexican food, they wanted a complete rundown on the drive-through menu. Patiently, leaning out the car window, my wife read the entire list to them, stumbling over the more difficult Spanish words. When she finished, she paused, waiting for them to say what they wanted. Just then the speaker crackled, and an incredulous voice asked, "Do you want anything to drink with all that?"

A rolling stone gathers no moss, but it settles coffee grounds just fine

Holy City

Tom, our Canadian friend, once toured the United States. He attended a mass at St. Patrick's Cathedral in New York, and thought it strange to see a pink telephone on the altar. After the service he asked the priest about it, and was told it was a direct line to Heaven. "It costs $400 per call," the priest said. The following week, Tom went to church in a small town in Texas, and again he noticed a pink telephone on the altar. Again he asked about it, and was told, "That's a direct line to Heaven. It costs $175 for each call." The next Sunday, while visiting Prescott Valley, Arizona, he saw another pink telephone. After the service, he spoke to the priest, who assured him it was indeed a direct line to Heaven. "What's the charge for the call?" Tom asked. "Twenty-five cents," replied the priest. Tom was amazed. "Only twenty-five cents?" "Of course," smiled the priest. "It's a local call."

Daily Worship

Coming out of a restaurant on the outskirts of Tucson, my friend Martha and I overheard two boys discussing an old-fashioned scale, the kind sometimes still found in a doctor's office. "What is it?" asked the younger boy. "I think it's got something to do with religion," answered the other. "Religion? Why do you think that?" "Because every time my mother stands on one she says, 'Oh my Heaven!'"

Tucson, my friend Martha and I overheard two boys discussing an old-fashioned scale, the kind sometimes still found in a doctor's office. "What is it?" asked the younger boy. "I think it's got something to do with religion," answered the other. "Religion? Why do you think that?" "Because every time my mother stands on one she says, 'Oh my Heaven!'"

Lightly Seasoned

While visiting my sister's home in Phoenix, my three-year-old son watched for the first time as his grandmother changed his baby cousin's diaper. He stared in rapt fascination as Grandma picked up a square can and liberally sprinkled the baby's bottom with white powder. Relating the action to something familiar, and wanting to be helpful, he retrieved another similar can, offered it to Grandma, and asked, "Pepper?"

TO SUBMIT HUMOR

Send us a short story, no more than 200 words, about your humorous experiences, and we'll pay $75 for each one we publish. Send them to Humor, Arizona Highways, 2039 W. Lewis Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85009. Please enclose your name, address, and telephone number with each submission. We'll notify those whose stories we intend to publish, but we cannot acknowledge or return unused submissions.

The cowboy joke at the top of the page is from the Arizona Highways humor book Cow Pie Ain't No Dish You Take to the County Fair. To order call toll-free (800) 543-5432. The book costs $6.95 plus shipping and handling.

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