ARIZONA HUMOR

humor: Sure Cure for Hiccups

Some friends dining in a fashionable Phoenix restaurant were seated in front of a large window that faced the street. Halfway through dinner, the woman developed a bad case of hiccups. Her husband, a doctor, told her to hold her arms over her head for a few minutes to make them go away. A police car happened to cruise by at that time. The officers, seeing the woman with her hands up, thought a holdup was in progress and hurried inside with guns drawn, frightening the diners. The policemen, although doing their duty, were embarrassed to learn the truth. But the woman didn't mind the scare-her hiccups had vanished! Grace E. Martin, Green Valley

Not Winter Wise

For the first time in recent memory, it snowed in downtown Phoenix, depositing the fluffy white stuff on the city's sidewalks. David Michael Walsh, Glendale In the pasture, you won't find all-beef patties with special sauce, lettuce, or cheese, but they do come with chips Two Central Avenue businessmen were discussing how to best remove the unfamiliar litter. "Maybe we could burn it," offered the first man. "No," replied the second. "Then we'd just have to shovel the ashes." David Michael Walsh, Glendale

Just a Trim

When I was living in Yuma many years ago, I knew a local cowboy who was justifiably proud of his abundance of curly black hair, and he wore it frontier-style. One day when I was in the barber shop getting a haircut, the cowboy came in and sat down in the next chair. "I bet if I cut off those sideburns, no one would recognize you," teased the barber. "Could be," mused the cowboy. Then he added quickly, "And I bet nobody would recognize you either." Thomas LaMance, Prewitt, NM

First Arizona Superbowl

In the vibrant days of King Copper, Globe and Miami had a Superbowl. The Globe Tigers and Miami Vandals played every Thanksgiving: one year in Globe, the next in Miami. One particular time, about 50 years ago, Miami hosted the Tigers at Miami High's Vandal Field, located near a very noisy smelter. Especially loud was a slag train that crackled and popped as the wheel taking electric power from the overhead line bounced over rough joints. The timekeeper held the stopwatch, and only he knew how much time was really left in the game, but it was definitely running out for the Tigers, trailing 7-6 with about a minute to play. As the teams lined up for the next play, a loud pop sounded, and the Miami players immediately stood up and began celebrating their victory. Emotions were so high, the coach led his players to the bus, and they drove away. Meanwhile, the Globe team stood around looking rather lost. Then the timekeeper shouted, "You've got 55 seconds. Play ball!" So the Globe team ran down the field, scored, and won the game. Charles Osterberg, Tucson

Where's the Beef?

While visiting in Chino Valley, I overheard two ranch hands discussing the long drought and the lack of grass for their cattle. One said, "Our cattle are so thin, we don't brand 'em anymore we just photocopy 'em." John E. Kovacs, Southbury, CT TO SUBMIT HUMOR Send us an original short story, no more than 200 words, about your humorous experiences, and we'll pay $75 for each one we publish. Send them to Humor, Arizona Highways, 2039 W. Lewis Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85009. Please enclose your name, address, and telephone number with each submission. We'll notify those whose stories we intend to publish, but we cannot acknowledge or return unused submissions.