ARIZONA HUMOR

humor: Kiddie Ride

Soon after relocating from the city of Mesa to a rural area, our son took his two-and-a-half-year-old daughter to a Sears store, saying, "Let's look at garden tractors." They found a beautiful yellow tractor which, of course, she wanted to ride. He lifted her up and placed her on the seat. When nothing happened, she turned to him, calling, "Put a quarter in it, Dad."

Different Views

While stopped at a scenic overlook at the northern end of the Petrified Forest, my wife, Gloria, looked in awe at the layered pink cliffs and exclaimed, rather dreamily, "What a place for a wedding." Our eight-year-old son, Michael, had a less romantic but still appreciative opinion of the view. "Wow," he said. "What a place for a car commercial."

No Chitchat

Spending the night in a small eastern Arizona town joined a group of old-timers sitting on the porch of the general store. After several

WILLOUGHBY'S WEST Show me a saddle-sore cowboy, and I'll show you one with a raw hide

vain attempts to start a conversation, he finally asked, "Is there a law against talking in this town?" "No law against it," drawled one man, "but there's an understanding that no one's to speak unless he's sure he can improve on silence."

Pants Sale

An enterprising merchant, instead of resorting to the usual bargain price placard of "Trousers, $3.98," hung in his window a card reading "Pants, $1.99 per leg - seats free."

Friendly Advice

A man from New York was about to make his first car trip to Arizona and was seeking advice on driving in the West from a friend. The friend made this observation: "People out west don't drive the speed limit. They drive the temperature."

Money Machine

A friend of mine whose children have long since left home told me she never suffers from the "empty nest" syndrome. "I see a couple of the kids quite often," she once said.

"Even though they are married and have kids, they have never stopped thinking of me as the Eternal Revenue Service."

Ask the Kids

Recently, my daughter, Laura, and nine-year-old granddaughter, Jackie, visited me in Sun City West. We were discussing how the older we get the harder it is to remember names, dates, and appointments. Soon the discussion turned to focus on why people in the two Sun Cities drive so very fast. "You'd think retired people would relax and take things a little slower," I mused. Just then Jackie interrupted. "I know why old people drive so fast, Grandma." "Why?" I asked as my daughter and I stared at her in wonder. "So they don't forget where they're going."

TO SUBMIT HUMOR

Send us an original short story, no more than 200 words, about your humorous experiences, and we'll pay $75 for each one we publish. Send them to Humor, Arizona Highways, 2039 W. Lewis Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85009. Please enclose your name, address, and telephone number with each submission. We'll notify those whose stories we intend to publish, but we cannot acknowledge or return unused submissions. The cowboy joke at the top of the page is from the Arizona Highways humor book Cow Pie Ain't No Dish You Take to the County Fair. To order call toll-free (800) 543-5432. The book costs $6.95 plus shipping and handling.