ARIZONA HUMOR

humor:

If you can't find your way home and it's close to dinnertime, trust your horse

No Forwarding Address

The day my brother and his family moved into their new home, they were so rushed and excited that they didn't notice their seven-year-old daughter lost a tooth. That evening she carefully placed the tooth under her pillow for the tooth fairy before drifting off to sleep. But when she woke the next morning, she found the tooth still under her pillow. Teary-eyed, she carried it into the kitchen and found her mother.

"Mommy," she said, "no one told the tooth fairy we moved."

The Cartoon Zoo

During a visit to the Phoenix Zoo in 1980, I happened upon a young couple standing outside the roadrunner exhibit. They were still there, staring intently at the small birds, as I prepared to leave a short time later.

Concerned, I approached them and asked, "Is there anything wrong?"

"No," replied the young man in a hushed voice, "We're just waiting.

Intrigued, I also whispered, "What are you waiting for?"

Without looking at me, the young woman responded in the same lowered, sincere tone, "We want to hear the roadrunners say, 'Beep. Beep.'"

Money Talks

During the Depression, Judge Aker always provided a bit of color as Justice of the Peace for the town of Duncan. One day, a young couple appeared before the judge, asking to be married. Their ceremony was kept a secret due to long-standing opposition to the marriage by the bride's parents. In fact, the family was so persistently and publicly against the union, that the Mormon bishop and the Methodist preacher refused to officiate. So the legal-age lovers turned to civil authority. When news finally got around, the bride's parents came to Duncan from their ranch to confront the magistrate. The father got straight to the point when the judge answered his door.

"Well, did you marry 'em?" the father demanded.

"I did."

"What did you do that for?"

"For $5," shot back the judge.

Modern Conveniences

Because we were a family of native Tucsonans, I tried to expose my three young daughters to our state's history and culture. I especially wanted them to know of the ancient civilizations that had once flourished there.

On one outing, we visited Tuzigoot National Monument near Clarkdale. I explained to the girls how the site had been home to Native Americans centuries ago. I stressed how the tribe had existed without all the comforts we now know. And I added how resourceful the Indians were, scrounging the desert for what they could use.

HEAT STROKES BY GARY BENNETT

While observing artifacts in one room, my middle daughter climbed a narrow stairway leading up out of the room. She rejoined us momentarily. When her sisters asked what was up there, she replied, "Oh, nothing, just a carport."

Desert Veggies

We are Canadians who love Arizona. A few years ago, we traveled around the state with our four-year-old grandson, Daniel, pointing out the beauty of the desert. For a long time, he peered intently at the landscape, then seemed relieved to have figured out some particular dilemma. Confidently, he pointed to the saguaros along the road and said, "Boy, Grandma, they sure do grow big cucumbers here."

Adjustments

Several months ago, I retired from my law practice in Phoenix to spend time with my two sons, ages two and four. One day at Arcadia Park, I met several mothers who were picnicking with their children.

One mom, upon learning of my career change, asked me how the transition was going.

"Well," I replied, "I guess the biggest change is that when I was a lawyer, people used to listen to me."

TO SUBMIT HUMOR

Send us an original short story, no more than 200 words, about your humorous experiences, and we'll pay $75 for each one we publish. Send them to Humor, Arizona Highways, 2039 W. Lewis Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85009. Please enclose your name, address, and telephone number with each submission. We'll notify those whose stories we intend to publish, but we cannot acknowledge or return unused submissions.