ARIZONA HUMOR

humor:

You're a real cowboy if you think a website is a spider's home

Cleaning Up

Katie's assignment that day for the Arizona social agency was to travel into a remote mountainous area to give Mr. Yeager his bath. She'd been warned that the feisty, stubborn old man would strongly oppose this ritual the agency insisted was a necessary part of his care. Katie passed the old windmill noted on her map and turned up a dusty lane leading toward a ramshackle farmhouse. She approached a bedraggled, unkempt man rocking rhythmically on his porch. As soon as she introduced herself and stated the purpose of her visit, the old man leapt to his feet shouting his objections. Katie pleaded with him, and the argument raged on for half an hour. Finally Katie said desperately, "Look, I'm a single mother with four children. Please, I really need this job." At this, the man relented.

The bath over, a jubilant Katie presented the confirmation form and said, "Now Mr. Yeager, if you will just sign here, I will be on my way." "That's what I was trying to tell you, lady. My name's Andy Herman. Yeager lives about a mile down the road."

On Your Mark

Twenty years ago, my best friend visited me in Arizona for the first time since I'd left New Jersey. She was amazed by the differences between the two states, and loved Arizona. On the last evening, I said, "I know what we can do tonight. Let's go to the greyhound races." "Wow," she exclaimed. "I can't believe they race the buses out here."

Saguaro Life

Saguaros are my favorite desert plants, and like most of their admirers, I can't help regarding them as magnified humans in everyday situations. Driving through Organ Pipe Cactus National Monument recently we met a lot of "saguaro people": a bachelor standing alone among chollas, two others holding a conversation, a policeman directing traffic, a mother nursing her baby. As we bumped along the trail, my daughter, Eileen, suddenly exclaimed, "Look, Mom. That one over there is hitchhiking." Her father replied, "Well, tell him to undress first if he wants a ride."

Who's Lost?

I recently spent a couple of days with a grizzled old rancher as I crisscrossed the backcountry of a 15,000-acre cattle ranch, working on a story about modern-day cowboys. The range was rugged, wild, and confusing. We threaded in and out of canyons, across plateaus, and down creek beds. I became disoriented almost immediately and stuck close to my guide.

"You ever been lost out here?" I asked. "Lost?" he snorted contemptuously. "No. I never been lost." He paused, discharged a cheekful of tobacco, then added, "But I did misplace the ranch house for two days once."

Doctor's Orders

A lady living in an isolated part of Arizona had surgery, and following her operation the doctor advised her to stay out of her pickup truck for a few weeks. After the prescribed amount of time, she returned to the doctor's office for a check-up. "You've healed nicely, and everything else looks fine," the doctor assured her. "You may begin using your truck anytime." "Well, that's a relief," the woman exclaimed, obviously glad to hear the news. "Riding that horse every day hasn't been too easy."

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