WIT STOP

Oh, Give Me a Home Where the Jackalopes Roam and Polar Bears and Great Whales Stay Away

Arizona plays host to a dazzling and eclectic collection of wildlife, from creepy-crawly lizards, scorpions, and sidewinders, which scurry across the desert gravel, to birds like the brown creeper and water pippit, which soar across the San Francisco Peaks.

Arizona is home to desert bighorn sheep, the stately elk, which often amble across the highways near Sedona and a dozen other cities slowing traffic, and javelinas, which look like pigs but aren't. Squirrels, chipmunks, striped and spotted skunks, bears, mountain lions, wild turkeys, mule deer, hognosed snakes, gophers, and countless other species all dwell within the borders of the 48th state.

And, in fairness, there are some creatures that Arizona doesn't have. Polar bears. Folks don't flock to the Grand Canyon State in winter to follow families of this white-furred bruin. We just don't have them. Polar bears apparently don't care for dry heat. Similarly, Arizona is not one of your great whale-watching states.

There is one critter that I don't know whether Arizona has any of them or not. That is the jackalope.

This is confession time for me. I tend to be skeptical and cautious because in the past I've been gullible, subject to pranksters and practical jokers. My first day in Boy Scout camp, one of the senior leaders sent me chasing off to a remote part of the compound to bring back some skyhooks.

I didn't know what a skyhook was, but I obeyed the order like a good Boy Scout should. The people I asked told me they had some skyhooks but only left-handed ones. I had to scamper back and relay this information. I found out later that skyhooks are devices that are used to hang things from the sky. They don't exist. And if they did exist, the righthanded ones would be exactly the same as the left-handed ones. I spent the entire day chasing mythical hardware.

In school I had to write a book report on a novel. My older brother suggested that I read the encyclopedia.

"Who wrote it?" I asked. "Some guy by the name of Britannica," he told me.

So I read the encyclopedia. It took me forever, but I thought a big book like that would guarantee a good grade. My book report said, "The story wasn't much, but this guy Britannica sure did his research."

The teacher gave me a flunk-ing grade because it wasn't a novel. That's how naive I was and sometimes am today.

So I'm wary of this jackalope creature. I've seen pictures of it. They have postcards with its likeness in gift shops all across the state. The jackalope has the body of a jackrabbit with antlers like an antelope, hence the name.

Nature is not haphazard. Everything is there for a purpose. A possum has a prehensile tail so it can hang from a tree limb while it grabs and eats food. We don't have prehensile tails because we generally eat sitting down. They'd only get in the way. Personally, I wouldn't want a prehensile tail. I like to see what I'm grabbing onto. So I thought I'd begin my investigation of the jackalope by trying to analyze what purpose it might have.

Many creatures have antlers as a weapon. They use them in fights to establish dominion or to win the affection of females during mating season. Bunny rabbits don't need these. They reproduce so readily and quickly that they don't have much time for fighting. Besides, bunny rabbits live in holes in the ground. Can you imagine trying to scamper into a tiny opening with a rack of antlers on your head? It would be like trying to take a satellite dish as carry-on luggage onto a commuter airline. The jackalope is appearing very suspect.

But how about viewing it from the reverse angle? Would there be an advantage for an antelope to have the body of a rabbit? Maybe. It might discourage hunters who are seeking large racks of antlers as trophies. It would be a little bit embarrassing to be driving home from the hunt with a bunny rabbit tied across the fender of your car. The trophy you'd get would hardly be worth the ribbing you'd take.

So there could be a good reason why a creature might evolve into an antler-bearing rabbit-like being. Who knows? Maybe it was just to make a good living posing for postcards.

I don't know. Is the jackalope real or mythical? Is it a living, breathing animal that forages for food among the desert brush, or is it a practical joke like my brother's encyclopediareading prank?