ARIZONA HUMOR

humor: And the Constituents Say

I was secretary to the Speaker of the House of Representatives in the late 1960s when the Arizona Legislature was deciding whether to adopt daylight-saving time. A woman wrote to the governor, adamantly stating her position. She said she was raising a rare species of a certain flower, and it absolutely couldn't stand another hour of sunlight each day.

Milk Made

An Apache Junction mother sent her small son, who was just learning to read, to the store for some canned milk. But shortly after he left, he returned empty-handed, explaining that all the canned milk must be for cats. “Why is that?” asked his mother. “Well, because all the cans say Pet Milk,” he told her.

Hot News

For many years I have enjoyed a few dashes of hot sauce on my breakfast eggs. “Tabasco” was the only brand available until I moved to Phoenix and discovered a jalapeño-based local product. Once, I ordered breakfast at a well-known restaurant and asked the waitress, “Have you any Arizona Gunslinger?” “I'll go see,” she replied. In a few minutes she reappeared, saying, “Sorry ma'am, we don't have that newspaper here.”

Good Question

Soon after our young family moved from Alabama to Tempe, we made a trip to the Grand Canyon. We stopped mid-morning at a restaurant in Williams, and as we were being seated our oldest son, a third-grader, took off for the rest room. He was back in a flash,

Youth is not only wasted on the young, it's also tiring on their grandparents

shouting, “Quick! Am I a brave or a squaw?”

Tasty Snacks

Last summer my wife and I went to visit an elderly friend in Tucson. She had just had all her teeth pulled and complained of bleeding gums. As we talked, my wife quietly ate peanuts from a bowl on the coffee table.

On leaving, I promised our friend a visit the next day and also to replace the peanuts my wife ate. “Oh, I can't eat peanuts,” she said. “Those were M&Ms. I suck off all the chocolate coating and spit the peanuts back into the bowl.”

Wedding Blues

A police officer patrolling a southeastern Arizona town one Saturday morning watched as a cowboy in a pickup raced down Main Street. The policeman gave chase and pulled the truck over.

“Officer,” the cowboy began, “I can explain ...” “I said be quiet,” barked the officer, gesturing with his nightstick. The lead-foot was hauled off to jail.

A few hours later, the policeman looked in on his prisoner. “Lucky for you the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back.” “Don't count on it,” replied the cowboy in the cell. “I'm the groom.”

Mistaken Identity

During Prohibition Joshua Barney made a good living selling moonshine from his still, hidden deep in the foothills of east Mesa. Then a disgruntled customer told the sheriff about the operation, and Joshua found himself in front of the justice of the peace in Mesa, who also was a Mormon bishop. The judge looked over the charges and asked, “Are you the Joshua that made the sun stand still?” “Quiet!” snapped the officer. “We don't tolerate reckless driving in this town. I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back.” “But officer, you don't understand ...” “No, yer' honor,” answered Barney, “I'm the Joshua what made the moon shine.”

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