ARIZONA HUMOR

humor: Bearded Deer

My husband and I moved to the Phoenix area from El Paso about four years ago. Shortly after we settled down, we started taking trips around the countryside to become familiar with Arizona. On one of those trips, I spotted what I thought was a herd of deer. “Look at all those deer,” I said. My husband glanced over and without changing his expression, replied, “Honey, here in Arizona, they call those goats.”

New Socialism

My friend, a retired professor living in Sun City, decided to spend a few days at a private nudist camp where he developed a friendship with an elderly psychiatrist. One evening while basking in the late afternoon sunshine on the porch, my friend started a conversation by asking, “Have you read Marx?” “Yes,” replied the doctor, shifting in his chair. “I think it is this wicker furniture.”

Teachers Should Know

In the late 1930s, when my father was credit manager of Babbitt's Trading Company in Winslow, schoolteachers visiting the West often stopped by his office to cash traveler's checks. Dad, quite the kidder, occasionally told these teachers (usually ladies) that if they planned to visit the Petrified Forest, they should ask the ranger to show them the little donkey with petrified hooves. Dad often wondered what his ranger friend said to the teachers. One day, two ladies returning from the Petrified Forest stopped again at Dad's store to cash their checks. Upon entering the office, one lady exclaimed, “Oh, Mr. Embry, we didn't get to see the little donkey after all. The ranger said he was in Holbrook getting his hooves polished.”

Getting crotchety is nature's way of rewarding you for growing older Murder Case

A slow-witted fellow responded to an ad for deputy sheriff. When he showed up for an interview, the sheriff gave him a test. “What is one and one?” he asked. “Eleven,” the fellow answered. Rolling his eyes, the sheriff asked, “What two days of the week begin with 'T'?” “Today and tomorrow,” the applicant answered. Frustrated, the sheriff asked, “Who shot Lincoln?” “I don't know,” came the answer. The sheriff, trying to get rid of this applicant, said, “I'll tell you what, you go on home an' study up on that last question.” At home, the man's wife asked whether he got the job. “Yup,” he replied. “An' the sheriff's already got me working on a big murder case.”After hiking for several hours along cool

No Free Lunch

forest trails on Mount Lemmon near Tucson, my husband and I stopped at a roadside bakery and coffee shop in the little community of Summerhaven. As we walked in, we found the owner fuming. “Some kids just swiped some pastries, and took off in a hurry,” she said. “Security will catch up with them, though. There's only one way down the mountain.” Having vented her anger, she poured herself a cup of coffee and sat down nearby, while we enjoyed rhubarb pie and tea. We shared a pleasant conversation about the pros and cons of living and running a business in such a beautiful, but isolated, environment. We were reluctant to leave, but eventually we climbed into our car, ready to make the drive back to the triple-digit heat of Tucson. Suddenly, my husband sprang out of the car and ran back inside. “What was that all about?” I asked when he finally returned. “I forgot to pay,” he answered.

TO SUBMIT HUMOR

Send us an original short story, no more than 200 words, about your humorous experiences, and we'll pay $75 for each one we publish. Send them to Humor, Arizona Highways, 2039 W. Lewis Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85009. Please enclose your name, address and telephone number with each submission. We'll notify those whose stories we intend to publish, but we cannot acknowledge or return unused submissions.

The saying at the top of the page is from the Arizona Highways humor book Growing Older is So Much Fun EVERYBODY'S Doing It, by Gene Perret, who writes our “Wit Stop” column. To order, call toll-free (800) 543-5432. The cost is $6.95 plus shipping and handling.

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