HUMOR

humox CACTUS LAND PUTT A LOT Rules of Play:

Unusual Perspective

By Linda Perret Parts of Arizona were devastated by 100-year floods in 1978, 1979, 1980 and 1983. Mother Nature may be pretty spectacular, but she's lousy at telling time.

EUPHORIA LOST

On the way to visit friends in Surprise I stopped to buy a bottle of wine for my hosts. The young man at the checkout counter said, "May I see some ID?" As it had been several years since I'd had to contend with that, I handed him my driver's license with delight.

My bubble of euphoria quickly burst, though, when he noted my age on the license and said, almost under his breath, "Wow!"

MEETING PLACE

My husband, Don, and I have an agreement to meet at a certain time and place in our new Show Low shopping center when we go there together. This works most of the time.

Thinking he was late reporting to the agreed upon spot in the store. Thinking he had been sidetracked by tools or fishing equipment, I stepped to the

CENSOR-SLIP

One evening as I shuttled laundry to the washing machine, my 6-year-old daughter watched television in my bedroom. Upon my return to the room, I noticed she was no longer watching her usual Disney Channel or Nickelodeon. When I asked what she was watching, she responded (without averting her gaze from the television), ""Buffy the Vampire Slayer." I calmly informed her that she was a little too young to be watching Buffy. When she asked how old she'd have to be before she could watch the show, I said, "About 12."

She then whined, "That's not fair! By then it'll be in black and white!"

GENDER JUMBLE

On a recent trip through Arizona, I pulled into a rest stop to use the ladies' room. Imagine my shock when, "Residents voted for a curfew to protect the town's policemen. At 10 P.M., all cops had to be off the streets."*

EARLY-DAY ARIZONA

"I should think you would feel badly about leaving this place," said a housemaid to the departing cook.

"I don't. I'm glad to go. I ain't sorry to leave any of you except the dog. Poor old Tiger, he always washed the plates for me."

I asked to have Ted Turney paged. Don immediately appeared, running down the store's main aisle, arriving with a flushed face and breathless.

"You sure got here in a hurry," I said.

"I want to meet any new Turney in town. Where is he?" he asked.

Needless to say, he was chagrined to learn I had them page our dog.

Exiting the stall, I came face-to-face with a rather tall man. I don't know which one of us was more surprised.

"Looks like you're in the wrong one," he said, trying to make the situation a little less uncomfortable.

"No, you are," I told him after checking the sign on the door to be sure it said "Ladies."

He looked embarrassed, but also tried not to smile as he said, "Well, if I am, then so is my wife."

CIVILIZATION AHEAD

As we hiked out from our trek to Havasu Falls, my 11-year-old grandson, Michael, struggled with the steep grade of the final switchbacks.

A more energetic hiker commented as he passed, "Don't worry. There's a Taco Bell just up ahead."

Michael straightened his shoulders and with disdain remarked, "Please don't toy with my emotions."

TO SUBMIT HUMOR

Send your jokes and humorous Arizona anecdotes to Humor, Arizona Highways, 2039 W. Lewis Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85009 or e-mail us at [email protected]. We'll pay $50 for each item used. Please enclose your name, address and telephone number with each submission.

Reader's Corner

"I'm a cowboy, but I'm new at it. I only wear a 4-gallon hat."

This month's topic is cowboys. Send us your best original cowboy jokes and if they make us laugh, we'll print them and pay you for them.

Are We There Yet? Who Cares...

Get up. Get out. Explore the diverse Arizona sights and scenes in this book intended for the hiker who is less interested in challenge and more interested in places to go and things to see. Arizona Hiking: Urban Trails, Easy Paths & Overnight Treks is a hiking guide for all but the highest experience levels. From casual family outings to more challenging backpacking trips, our guide will take you on more than 70 hikes through some of the most beautiful places in Arizona. We've added invaluable reference information like driving directions, elevation levels, maps and contacts for fees, permits, restrictions and regulations. We'll see you on the trail.

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