HUMOR

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"Taking you as my bride was the most exciting moment of my life . . . in the non-sporting event category."

HEAT STROKES BY GARY BENNETT EARLY DAY ARIZONA

MR. SQUILDIG: "Yankee Doodle is an absurd song. Who on Earth was Macaroni anyway?" MRS. SQUILDIG: "Why, dear, don't you know? He invented the wireless telegraph."

that we live on kid row."

RUTH BURKE, Bowie

UNWANTED HOUSEGUESTS

One evening, my 3-year-old daughter, Hunter, and I set out for a walk in our Tucson neighborhood. After we had walked a while, Hunter asked, "Mama, did you lock the door?" I replied, "Yes, I did." She then said, "Good, 'cause we don't want a mean stranger to get in the house!"

Assuming she got the idea of mean strangers going into unlocked houses from me, I felt guilty that she would worry. She then continued to say, "'Cause I read this story once about these three bears. . . ."

JENNIFER BROWN, Tucson

WESTERN JUSTICE

My dad practiced law in Arizona for a while after World War I. He often acted as a defense attorney in minor cases and considered himself quite good at getting his client off. His favorite victory was when he defended a man accused of stealing a horse. After a short deliberation, the jury returned with the verdict.

The jury foreman rose and very solemnly said, "We find the man who stole that horse not guilty!"

WILLIAM S. SMITH, Atascadero, CA

BY ANY OTHER NAME

A young man called directory assistance. "Hello, operator, I would like the telephone number for Mary Jones in Phoenix, Arizona." "There are multiple listings for Mary Jones in Phoenix," the operator said. "Do you have a street name?" The young man hesitated, then said, "Well, most people just call me Tyrone."

MIKE THIEME, Tucson

Cactus Jokes

A while ago, we asked our readers for cactus jokes. Here's a sampling: When a saguaro cactus ages, it grows arms. When I age, I grow chins.

My neighbor has a saguaro. I haven't seen that many spines since I went to chiropractor school.

Both by TOMMY CANNON, Phoenix What did the baby porcupine say when it backed into a saguaro cactus? "Is that you, Mama?"

LUCILLE YATES, Tucson Question: What's the most common dermatology problem among cacti? Answer: Prickly heat.

JANE DOUGHTY, Hampton, NH TO SUBMIT HUMOR Send your jokes and humorous Arizona anecdotes to Humor, Arizona Highways, 2039 W. Lewis Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85009 or e-mail us at [email protected]. We'll pay $50 for each item used. Please include your name, address and telephone number with each submission.

Reader's Corner

I don't know much about stars. I thought constellation was something you cured with an extra dose of bran.

This month's topic is: the night sky. Send us your night-sky jokes and we'll pay you $50 for each one we use.

Unusual Perspective

By Linda Perret Legend says that people who drink from the waters of the Hassayampa River will never again tell the truth. But how will you know? If you ask them if they drank from the river and they say "no," are they telling the truth? If they answer "yes," are they lying? I think this is a legend that the mothers along the Hassayampa River came up with just to confuse their kids.

SPECIAL PERSPECTIVE

Since we moved to Arizona from the "flat" Midwest, we have been amazed by all the beautiful rock formations we've seen as we tour the state. One day, our 6-year-old son exclaimed, "I think that when God got done making the Earth, he took everything that was left over and dumped it in Arizona."

DEE BROEKER, Phoenix

DEER ME

After hiking along the Kaibab Plateau north of the Grand Canyon's North Rim, we stopped at a small restaurant at Jacob Lake. Soon the menu had us all laughing. It said, "While on the road from Jacob Lake to the North Rim, deer can be seen driving slowly through the woods."

BOBBIE BOOKHOUT, Tempe

JUST KIDS

A woman with children lived in a mobile home park that was divided into sections for seniors and families. When giving directions to friends who planned to visit, she said, "The easiest way to find us is to remember

that our section is the one with the swings, and we are in the far corner." DAVID MUENCH

LANDSCAPE PHOTOGRAPHER DAVID MUENCH has been taking photographs of the Southwestern landscape for more than 50 years. Many admirers call him an artist, but Muench prefers to be known as a photographer and passionate observer of nature. Vast & Intimate is a book about the extraordinary power beautiful landscapes and vistas have over human imagination and spirit. Geographically, the work for Vast & Intimate separates into three sections: deserts; sky islands, or forested mountains rising from the desert; and the high Colorado Plateau. Vast & Intimate presents each place, then focuses on intimate details that illustrate Nature's richness and complexity.

4 EASY WAYS TO ORDER

Complete and mail the attached order card Call toll-free 1-800-543-5432 (in the Phoenix area or outside the U.S., call 602-712-2000)

Fax your order to 602-254-4505

Log on to arizonahighways.com David Muench's Vast & Intimate Connecting With the Natural World Text by Lawrence W. Cheek 160 pages. 11" x 11". Hardcover. Full-color photography. #ABGH2 $39.95 ISBN 1-893860-84-1 Ask for David Muench's Vast & Intimate at your favorite book store