TALES OF CALABAZAS

EDITOR'S NOTE: The following is the eighth and final article in the series of Calabazas, the Old West, re-written and copyrighted by Elizabeth Toohey, former State Historian from the Reminiscences of Cabell Brown. Illustrations by Stan Shaw and Bob Allison.

DRINKY was flat broke, and in the toils of the black devils of despair; no mescal, no money and no credit. Casino Harry burst into Drinky's combined office, living quarters and court room.

"Me and Birdie has decided to get married, and Crandall tells me that you can do the trick, same as a preacher. Anyhow, since Reverend Smithers hit this place I haven't had much stomach for preachers. Now, we want to get married tonight, and don't you tell anyone 'cause I don't want the boys playing no tricks, and joshin' me all day; and here's ten dollars. Now Bonnie and some of the girls know about this, and they'll be over pretty soon to try and fix this dump up a bit."

The girls arrived and ordered Drinky to make himself scarce, and keep out of their way.

The empty boxes were chucked out of the window, the place was swept and dusted, cottonwood boughs were tied to the ceiling, chairs were brought in, the table was moved to one end of the room and draped with an American flag. The other end of the room was partitioned off with sheets to form a retreat for the bride and her friends to put the last touches to the bridal finery.

Romance Finally Comes to Calabazas

Forcibly ejected from his home, and with ten dollars in his pocket, Drinky made the nearest bar. Drinky was wor-ried. He didn't know how to marry anyone. Too bad that Lucky had gone to visit his baby; he might have been a help. Drinky took a few more swigs of mescal, then confidentialy leaned over the bar, and said to the astonished bartender: "Have you a prayer book?"

The bartender's eyes bulged. He put his gun within easy reach.

"Naw, and you don't get no more liquor here, either."

Drinky being so roughly spoken to, sat down on a cracker box and sobbed; then he again addressed the bartender.

"Have you ever married anybody?"

The bartender thought Drinky had suddenly gone crazy. He grabbed his gun in one hand, and with the other grabbed Drinky and threw him out.

"It's none of your business! Getting awful personal, ain't you? It's my busi ness if I ever married anybody."

Drinky, who had fallen on his hands and knees, remained in that position crying and singing: "A Bird Sat on a Hickory Limb."

Come Sing, hearing Drinky, came out of his restaurant, put Drinky back on his feet. Drinky clutched him.

"Good ole Cum Sing! Ever been married, Cum Sing?"

Cum Sing dropped Drinky in his tracks,

and dashed back to his restaurant, muttering:

"Drinky, him crazy! Whi' fo' me get mallied?"

Drinky staggered upstairs to his home. The room was bedecked for the wedding, and the girls had departed. He got down his library and a bottle of forgotten mescal was behind the books. A few drinks whilst he thumbed through the pages. Nothing on the marriage ceremony, only a short paragraph on how to mate chickens.

Drinky must look elsewhere for information, so downstairs he went. The stage was in but Lucky had not returned. Seeing the storekeeper enter his store, Drinky followed him.

"Say, were you ever married?"

The storekeeper turned white.

"Why do you ask?"

"Because I want to know."

"What do you want to know for?"

"I can't tell you."

"Say, Drinky, you just wait there a minute, I'll be right back."

The storekeeper hastened to the back room, grabbed his clerk by the arm, whispered to him, went out the back door to the corral, saddled his horse, and disappeared in the direction of the line.

Drinky waited and waited. Presently the clerk came out.

'Say, Drinky! What did you say to the boss?' "I just asked him if he was ever married."

The clerk looked thoughtful.

"Any women on the stage?"

"Yes, there were two or three."

MAY, 1937 ARIZONA HIGHWAYS

The clerk rubbed his chin.

"Are you waiting for the boss?"

"Yes, I sure wish he'd hurry."

"Well, the boss has gone to Tucson."

"Gone to Tucson! Why, he asked me to wait a minute."

"Well, he didn't like something you said to him."

Poor old Drinky was puzzled, and left the store, befogged. As he walked along he encountered the doctor.

"Hello, Doc! Say, Doc, you're just the man I want to see!"

"What did you want to see me about?"

"Say, Doc, you've been married, haven't you?"

The doctor eyed Drinky coldly.

"No, Mr. Drinkwater, I have not had that pleasure."

Drinky looked up in amusement at the doctor's frigid tone. The doctor broke out in a cold sweat.

"Drinky, old man, you'll believe me when I tell you on my word of honor as a gentleman, that I have never been married."

For a few minutes there was silence.

"Stage in, Drinky?"

"Yes, Doc."

"Any passengers?"

"Two or three women and a Mexican."

More silence.

"I was just starting for Tubac when I met you, to see a very sick child. Must be going."

They bade each other a formal goodday. The doctor got on his horse and rode rapidly away.

DrinkY went into the nearest saloon. Dob's bartender, Johnnie, shook up a cocktail.

"Say, Johnnie, have you ever been married?"

The glass fell from Johnnie's nerveless hand. He stared open mouthed. Suddenly he grinned.

"That's one on me, Drinky. Ha! Ha! I thought first you asked me if I'd ever been murdered. What'll you have?

"Was I ever married? No, Drinky, and I don't want to be. Have a drink on me.

"Stage in, Drinky?"

"Yes."

"Any passengers?"

"Couple of women and a Mexican."

"Did you talk to them? Ask if there was any news?"

"I didn't have to ask. One of them was a sassy little blonde. She'd talk the legs off an iron pot."

"Gabby little blonde, eh? Thinks she owns the earth, huh?"

"Did you see her, Johnnie?"

"No, I just guessed from what you told me. Have another drink on me. Soon as Bob comes in, I got to go to Tombstone. My brother got in a scrape and I got to help him get across the line. You don't know where I am in case anyone asks."

Drinky wandered back to the Customs House. Half an hour later, Pete the

rancher rode into town and excitedly asked:

"What the devil's the matter at the line?"

The crowd was astonished. They hadn't heard of anything unusual at Nogales.

"Why, the storekeeper went by my place fast as his horse could leg it. I asked what's up, and he just kept going. He was just out of sight when Doc streaks by, and I hollered to him what's up, and he just kept on going. Then pretty soon Bob's Johnnie rode by on Bob's horse hell bent for election, and I yelled to him what the hell's up, and he waved his hand and kept right on. I made up my mind to come and see what it's all about."

None had an answer.

Drinky sat disconsolate in the bedecked room. Big Charlie came in.

"Say, Charlie, have you ever been married?"

"You say that again, and say it slow."

Drinky, mild wonder on his face, did as he was told.

Wham! Big Charlie's ham like fist shot out and landed on Drinky's chin.

"Yes, I've been married. I am married! And it's none of your blame business. So that's what takes you to Tucson so often! Pretending to be friendly, huh? Well the old crow can stay in Tucson, and if you start meddling in my affairs, you ain't going to be healthy long."

At 9 o'clock, Birdie, accompanied by some of the hurdy girls, arrived. Casino Harry and his friends came in a few minutes later. The groom invited the gentlemen to have a drink, so they all went to the bar downstairs. Beer was sent up to the ladies. One of the men treated the groom, and beer was sent up to the ladies. More drinks, and more beer for the ladies.

It was half past eleven when the gentlemen joined the ladies. Confusion met their gaze. Birdie was standing on the table crying. Cottonwood boughs lay scattered on the floor, and several of the chairs were broken. The ninth beer had caused a perfect lady to slap a huzzy's face.

Peace was finally restored, and Drinky was told to proceed with the ceremony.

"I can't!" he sobbed. "I don't know how! Birdie and Harry, (sob-hic)-I'm your friend. If you get married (sob) you'll want to skip town. Everybody skipped town when I asked if they'd (hic) been married. You can't get married without wanting to skip town."

Birdie, in a rage, stamped her foot and slapped Drinky.

"How dare you say that! Haven't (Continued on Page 15)