Arizona Humor

Arizona Humor Welcoming Party

After moving to a small town in Arizona, I was eager to make friends with my neighbors, so I decided to host a cookout for 17.

Because we knew our neighbors raised beef, we needed some high-quality steaks to grill. We drove from market to market to find the quality and quantity we wanted.

That evening as the guests began to arrive, my husband was at the grill cooking 17 steaks at once so we might all eat at the same time.

Jim, our closest neighbor and the owner of the largest cattle ranch in the area, sidled up to my husband.

"Hey, neighbor," he said, "can I be of any help?"

"No thanks, Jim, you've already helped plenty," my husband answered. "This is your cow."

An Australian Encounter

While touring Arizona with some friends from California, we stopped at an RV park called "The Dead Horse" and enjoyed a steak and salad meal and a comfortable night's rest.

Next morning, as we drove past the sign, my husband remarked, "I didn't see the dead horse."

Back came the usual American quick quip, "What do you think you had for dinner last night?"

Fly Catching

At our country place near Willcox, I usually hang a strip or two of flypaper during warm weather.

One day when eight-year-old Ray Anne was visiting, she looked at the dead flies on the sticky spiral and asked, "What's that?"

"That's flypaper." "Well," she said, "how can they write on it when they're dead?"

Cactus Lesson

While driving up the Beeline Highway toward Payson, our two oldest sons, Bennett, four, and Christopher, two, kept referring to the number of cacti along the highway as cactuses.

So I pointed out that the plural of cactus is cacti, not cactuses.

The lesson must really have sunk in because as we traveled farther and began approaching the Four Peaks area, one of my sons said, "Dad, look at all the mounti."

Environmental Train

While driving through Arizona, we visited a tourist attraction that had a small train that took passengers for rides around the park and gardens.

Because it had a gasoline engine, the engineer had hung a hand-lettered sign on the locomotive that said This Train Does Not Smoke and Never Choos.

Moving to Tucson

When Hughes Missile Systems decided to relocate its corporate headquarters from Southern California to Tucson, the 2,000 persons to be relocated took some good-natured ribbing from a couple of Tucson newspaper writers.

The gist of their columns was that the Southern California residents would "spoil" Tucson with their laid back lifestyles and trendy notions.

As we were packing to depart to Tucson, one of the employees had handcrafted messages on the side of her boxes in reply to the columns.

"Jeez 'n by golly, yes," they read, "I'd love to move to Tucson. I just wish it was closer to the United States."

Petrified Forest

While visiting the Petrified Forest National Park, we listened to a ranger explaining, "These trees are 240 million and nine years old."

Intrigued by such precise dating, I asked him after the lecture how he could estimate the age of petrified wood so exactly.

"Well, that's easy," he said. "I've worked here nine years now, and, when I started, the trees were 240 million years old."

Help Really Needed

In the late 1940s while traveling east through Arizona on a lonely stretch of road, we stopped for gasoline and supplies. A nearby restaurant had an intriguing sign in the window: Waitress Wanted; Will Marry If Necessary.

TO SUBMIT HUMOR

Send us a short note about your humorous experiences in Arizona, and we'll pay $75 for each one we publish.

We're looking for short stories, no more than 200 words, that deal with Arizona topics and have a humorous punch line.

Send them to Humor, Arizona Highways, 2039 W. Lewis Ave., Phoenix, AZ 85009. Please enclose your name, address, and telephone number with each submission.

We'll notify those whose stories we intend to publish, but we cannot acknowledge or return unused submissions.